He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 2)

Okay - I get it.  Someone is anxious for the second half of this story.  So I'm going to share it.  And then I'm going to take a hiatus.  I started this project for something to do.  I thought it would be interesting.  I thought it might be fun.  I thought I might learn something. 

It has been interesting.
At times, it has been fun.
I have definitely learned some things.

But it has also been exhausting, burdensome, and a little bit scary.
And now it is more of those things than it is fun. 
It is still interesting.  And I am still learning things, but they are lessons I'd rather keep hidden under rocks in many cases. 
So if it is not the good kind of interesting, if it is no longer fun, and if I am learning about the underbelly of things I'd rather not see, then I need to take a break.  Perhaps I will come back to it someday.  But for now, I just need to move away from unearthing the things that make me angry, sad, or worried. 

In fact, I need to relearn the lesson that it is okay to like people.  I need to relearn the lesson that not all people are freaky or crazy or scary.  I need to relearn that there are some really fantastic people out there.  Continuing this project is not helping me to do that.

And maybe this story will help to illustrate why.  So without further ado,

We left off with this man whose name I don't even know - he signed his emails with one but introduced himself as another when we met.  I asked which was accurate or which he preferred, and he said either.  I suspect neither is his real name and that he was confused about which he had been using for our written communication. 

Maybe he uses one for his "casual encounters" and one for his "women for men" responses?  That's where we'd left him, right?  He asked which type of ad I'd posted?  Well, it turns out that he not only responds to ads in both sections, but he himself actually posts in both the no-strings attached "casual" section and the "men for women" section.  When he posts for NSA meetings, he is typically looking for either a woman or a couple.  He is typically looking to satisfy his oral fixation. 

And did you know that people actually respond?  Who knew?

With just a little bit of prompting from me (in the form of a question along the lines of "do you get responses?"), he launched into a description of one of the encounters he had.  And now I'm going to share it with you.  In all its glory, leaving no details out.  It will likely make you sick.  And you will likely understand why I need a break.

My date (let's call him Two-Name) received a response from Husband, asking if Two-Name could meet Husband and Wife for coffee one day soon.  Wife would not know that the meeting was a set up - it would seem like a random encounter.  Husband wanted Two-Name to have coffee with them, which would lead to him being invited to tag along wherever they were next headed.  Husband would then expect that Two-Name would grope his wife and "try to get in her pants" while Husband watched.  Two-Name agreed to meet them.  He agreed to do this.

So they have coffee.  And then they drive about 30 minutes south of the city in Husband and Wife's car (so, Two-Name is not so smart about personal safety, but that's a different issue).  They get to their destination which I think (but am not sure) is the couple's house.  Husband nods to Two-Name to indicate that he should start groping.  Two-Name does.  Wife resists, but Two-Name continues.  Husband is watching and begins to touch himself.  He also indicates to Two-Name that he should "try to get in her pants."  Two-Name does.  Wife asks Husband if he is going to stop this guy from touching her.  Husband says, "No, Baby."  And he tells Two-Name to continue.  Two-Name overpowers Wife and has sex with her.  Husband is watching.  Husband is masturbating.  Husband and Two-Name finish at about the same time.

Husband drives Two-Name back to the city while Wife stays behind.  In the car, Husband pulls out an assault rifle and tells Two-Name that this will never happen again.  It was a one-time thing.  Two-Name agrees.  And the one smart thing he does in all of it is refuse when Husband calls two weeks later to say that Wife now understands the whole thing was a set up and she's "totally into Two-Name now and wants to do it again."

So let's recap - I went out on a date with a man who agreed to rape another man's wife while the man got off on watching it happen.  And the only thing that bothered him about it was that, in the end, the husband pulled a gun on him.

I cannot do it anymore.

He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 1)

No.  He didn't.  I know that because I looked back over my shoulder ever 2-3 seconds just to make sure.  I kind of thought he might. 

Last night I had a date.  A date that is so full of freaky goodness that I don't know how I can possibly write about all if it in one post.  The post would be pages and pages long.  So it's going to have to come in parts.  Even now, as I rethink the date, I'm shaking my head and wondering if I should really continue on with this blog.  I'm all about entertaining myself (and you, of course) with this project.  But whoa.  Sometimes the brakes need to be applied.  Last night I was pretty sure this is the time for that.  This morning I'm a little less sure. 

I might need some pretty solid encouragement to soldier on, though.

First things first,
This guy (who needs a nickname ... I don't have one yet - any ideas?) responded to my totally and completely innocuous ad:

Hi I don't know if I'm in the right section but I have an oral fixation to pleasure women no questions asked, but I'm tired of looking for just that one thing and would like something more in the long term. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs, I work part time and currently looking for more work, I also volunteer at the food bank, how about you what do you do and what kind music are you into?

An oral fixation?  Eewww.  And, um, no!  You are NOT in the right section.  

But, you know the rules.  And you know me and following the rules.  I replied.

I'm pretty sure you aren't in the right section - or, maybe you are but it'd be best to not lead off with the whole oral fixation part.  That's especially true if you're looking for something more long term.  So, since you say you're looking for more than "just that one thing," tell me something about what you do want ... what do you hope to find here on CL?

And he responded with a nice email, thanking me for being honest with him.  And the email banter continued a bit.  He completely dropped the "I have an oral fixation" thing.  In fact, by the time he asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and a movie, I'd forgotten all about the fact that he was the one who'd said that to me.  

That was a mistake.  A big, big mistake.

Obviously.

And maybe I should have been clued into that when, right after I agreed to meet him, he sent me photos of himself, including one of his bare torso which made it look like he was maybe fully naked.  He also reminded me that he wasn't trying to "get into my pants."  But since we had gotten to a pretty clear "we're just going out to see if friendship might be a good route for us" point and since he didn't send me the penis shot (I hate when they do that), I figured it was just his stock of photos.  And I didn't mind too much.

So we meet up.  The plan is to have a cup of coffee and then head across the street to the discount theatre to see Shutter Island. Neither of us had seen it yet.  I've seen the previews and thought it would be creepy scary.  I'm a little unsure if seeing a movie like that with a first date is a good idea, but I'm open.  This whole project is about being open.

He's on time.  

He's acting a little nervous, but I've learned that is to be expected.  Just because I can generally meet new people without feeling anxious doesn't mean everyone can.  And it certainly seems to be the case that CL responders are of the more nervous variety.  It makes sense - for most of them, they are using this method because they are uncomfortable in social situations.

Still, he seems especially nervous.

He takes AGES to answer a question.  And he seems to think and think and think before doing so.  I know that's a good thing sometimes.  But in this case?  It just seemed like he was trying to fabricate a truth.  For example, "where did you grow up?" garnered a

Shifty eyes.  Several ums.  A few deep breaths.  And the name of a city not stated but given in a lilting question.  

Uh huh.  I believe you're from there.  Yep.  I sure do...  Wink wink. 

In any case, he jumped right into the conversation.  Perhaps a little too far too quickly.  He skipped over all of the niceties and went straight for the "how often do you meet people this way" and "tell me about the weirdest ones."

I'm game for letting these meetings go where the guy wants (within reason, of course) because I figure it gives me much better fodder.  Also, on a more practical dating level, it tells me something about what's important to them without them having to voice it.  In fact, for that reason, I've started to believe that letting a first date go wherever the man takes it is a good tool in general dating.

So I told him about the bald guy.  I didn't tell the whole story, but I offered up the juicy bits.  And he acted appropriately horrified.  So while I knew I wasn't at all -even remotely- attracted to this guy, and while I was finding that I needed to be really patient with his speaking style, I was beginning to think that he might be a nice enough guy to consider as a new friend.  Maybe.  The thought flitted across my mind.

And then he started to tell me about his "weird" dating stories.  But the problem is that in each case, the freaky party was him.  And he knew it!  So I revised my friend theory ... realizing that this guy is a little slow on the uptake all the way around, and I don't have the patience to build a new friendship with someone like that.

Still, we continue on with the date.  

He asks me if the ad he responded to was in the "Casual Encounters" section or the "Women for Men" section.

Excuse me?!?

Oh no!  

First of all - people actually respond to the sex ads?  I mean, real people actually post there and real people actually respond and real people actually meet?!?!  

Second - how on earth could you possibly think it's a good idea to meet up with someone and NOT REMEMBER IF YOU MET THEM IN THE CASUAL ENCOUNTERS SECTION OR THE WOMEN FOR MEN SECTION??

That's a serious question.

And my blood pressure has just gone up thinking about it.  I need a break.  I'll be back later with the rest of the story.

Three times is NOT the charm

Anyone recognize this?
Uh huh.

..........Actually quality guy looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me xxx xxx xxxx.

Uh huh.  It's what you think it is. 

I was finally able to get the next ad up (several responses already - including some guys who want to meet right away!).  And guess who responded?  My friend "Daddy."  This makes the third response from him.  The third response that is exactly the same.

I think I'll respond again.  See what he has to say for himself.

I'll let you know.