These can't be real

It's Saturday, so I'm taking a break from stories - mine or others.  Perhaps I'll write a new ad today.  Maybe I'll work on making a couple of dates with the hangers-on that are still out there.  I'm not sure. 

In the meantime, enjoy this little number, okay?



I know this woman says the ad is what she posted, and these men are who she heard from. But that can't possibly be true. These men look NOTHING like the men that respond to my ads. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me!

One-liners

Sometimes the men who respond to my ads baffle me.  I'll take some time crafting a statement about who I am and what makes me tick, and then I'll get a one line response.  Maybe it's a way for these men to suss out which ads are real and which are posted by bots.  But really?  One line?  That's supposed to entice me how?

They aren't even gems.  If they were witty or offbeat, I might be more inclined to give them a pass.  But they aren't.

don't act dumb just remain silent ! you sound tall?

This was in response to ad #3, so I get the "don't act dumb" part.  But be silent?  Is that akin to the old admonition that women and children ought not speak until spoken to?  No thanks.  And I sound tall?  How does someone "sound" tall?  Funny you should think so, as I stand not even 5'2" tall.  Oops.

Hi how's your evening going I know it's late just looking for someone to chat to. I'm str8 not creepy like some people out their.

Ah.  But isn't it always the case that if you have to tell someone you're not creepy, you probably are?  And are you "str8" as in not gay?  Or "str8" as in okay with how things are going?  Or some other "str8"?  The real problem, though, is that your grammar and spelling is all messed up.  I might have been a little more forgiving if only you'd taken the time to edit.  It would have taken 2 seconds.  Honest.  (Watch how easy it is.  "Hi.  How's your evening going?  I know it's late, but I'm just looking for someone to chat with.  I'm straight, not creepy like someone people out there."  See?) 

That was a cute story - Hope you find your luck.

Well, me too.  Are you hoping to be it?  Because if so, I'm going to need a little more to go off here, buddy.  A little effort?  Please?  Is that too much to ask?

Dry Spell

Let me be perfectly honest -

The last ad got me nowhere.  I got a ton of responses.  And I replied to every single one.  And then ... nothing!  Absolutely nothing.  They've all stopped writing to me.  No one requested that we meet.  What's going on here?

In fact, it's gotten so bad that I've already posted ad #5.  And the worst part of it?  I have had two responses.  That's it.  TWO.

Am I losing my touch?  Is the timing all wrong?  What's the problem here?

And here I was thinking I'm original

I did a quick google search today and discovered that there are "Flypaper for Freaks" blogs and books and shirts and coffee mugs all over the place.  Most of the blogs are old or out-dated, no longer be kept up by their authors.  They aren't really about dating, either.  Whew!

BUT

The book is actually one of those self-published things, and I read one review that said it's not that great.  It is, however, about the perils of dating (after divorce).

I have two thoughts about this
1) Crap!  I'm not all that unique after all, and
2) See!  I told you I'm not the only one these things happen to.

Do you think it's a problem that others have used the name first?

Does this mean I'm average?

Earlier today, I came across the following "poster" and all I have to say is
1) I'm glad I'm not paying my hard-earned money for the CL experiment,
2) I wonder how many men would respond to my ads if I hadn't long-ago surpassed my "peak" desirability, and
3) if I read points #6 and #10 simultaneously, can I assume that scammers are sex offenders? (Yes, I have a math degree, and yes, I know that's not how statistics work.)

Via: Online Schools

Rules, revisited (again)

With this third ad, I've been thinking I really need to revisit the rules again.

I know I said that I'd make every effort to meet each man who responds to my ads.  But the truth is - I really don't want to.  And it's not just the super creepy ones I want to avoid.  Sometimes, I want to avoid meeting the ones whose emails make me think I'll likely end up just hurting them when I tell them what I've known all along: I'm not interested.

For example, the first man to respond to ad #3 is 51 years old.  That's old enough to be my dad.  A young dad, sure - but my dad all the same.

The second response came from a man who has the same hobbies as my dad.  Seriously.  He is majorly into the Boy Scouts.  He volunteers with them in a variety of capacities.  It's the only thing he does, as he's never had a job.  He's 29.  And you know what?  He's never had a job.  You know what else?  He's written me 5 (yes, really) emails about his Eagle Scout project.  The thing about having a dad who is really into Boy Scouts is that I know a few details about the Eagle.  For example, you have to complete your project before you turn 18.  So, this guy is 29 and is still talking about his Eagle Scout project.  A LOT.  Too much, I'd say. 

Both of these men seem very nice.  Both of them are continuing to write to me, even when I've slowed down my responses to them.  Both have hinted that they'd like to meet me. 

I am quite certain I am interested in neither of them.  But both seem to be genuinely interested in knowing me much better.

I love my dad.  Really, I do.  But I am 100% certain that I do not want anyone who is nearly his age.  And I do not want someone who has his hobbies. 

I also do not have an interest in hurting these men.  So, I am thinking I ought to alter my rules.  If I am beginning to think that taking that next step of meeting them only to say, "thanks, but no thanks," maybe I shouldn't go there?  Or maybe I should try harder to ensure the first meeting happens before the emails get to a point where they are showing their hand so clearly?  It's just that I may need to rewrite the rules at some point.  Consider this your fair warning.

I wish they didn't need to ask

With this third ad, a couple of the guys have responded by asking me if I have a problem with them not being white. (Shut up! I don't want to hear what all of you who know me and my dating history are thinking. It's not relevant to my point.) It makes me sad that they need to ask. It makes me sad that they feel they need to ask. It makes me wonder what has happened to them in the past. I asked one. He said that until he started asking the question, there was only one time when the woman he was emailing/chatting with (and, by the way, seeming to get along with) didn't stop all communication right after they exchanged photos. He told me that at first he just thought they weren't attracted to him. Then he started to think that maybe it was because he's not white. So he started telling the women that he's Indian and asking if they mind. He says that only two women out of about 25 have told him they don't care. Two women? Really? And one of them is just trying to write a blog. I hate that he has to ask. I hate that he feels he needs to. I hate that it matters to people. And I hate that I'm still surprised by it.

I also desperately wish that women would be honest with themselves and in their ads if it does matter to them.

I wonder

Umm... what happens if one of these men turns out not to be a freak? And, what happens if I actually like one of them? I don't have any rules about that.

Quick! I need an opinion

I posted my second ad today. (And, boy, has the response been overwhelming! I've been reading/writing e-mails for about two hours ... I tell ya - this project is time consuming. It's no joke!) You'll get all the juicy goodness of the second ad when I'm done telling you all about the goodness of the first. Yes, there's MORE from the first -- be patient, my friends, be patient. Oh, and don't forget that the second ad has to expire before I can share it with you.

Anyway, I need your opinion, and I need it kind of quickly...

One of the responses to my second ad says he wants "a nice woman." I asked what that means to him. He said, "she should be honest." He also implied that if I'm not honest, I ought not continue to respond.

I'd like to oblige him.

So here's the question - is it dishonest for me to respond without telling him about my project? If so, I simply won't respond. If not, really? Is this honest?

When it rains, it pours

It's funny, isn't it? How aphorisms can so aptly describe a situation, I mean.

I wrote an ad, posted it on CL, and waited for responses. Several came. Only one really obvious creep in the bunch. The others wrote e-mails with varying degrees of intrigue (and grammatical skills - I'm such a stickler for that).* I wrote back to each and every one of them. Most responded to my response. And so the cycle went.

Then, one day it all just dried up. Gone. I knew there would be no new responses, as the ad had expired. But all the guys who'd been e-mailing me? They all just stopped. Every single one of them.

That's weird.
It made me wonder if I'd said something.
I started to feel a little bad about myself.

I mean, one guy deciding it's not worth continuing conversation with - that's one thing. All of them? All on the same day? I knew I was my father's daughter when

I started to think there was a conspiracy against me.

I know what you're thinking - where's the rain? Where's the pouring? This sounds more like a drought.

Except that yesterday, FOUR of them sent me messages, all with the same theme:

I'm sorry it's been a while. Life has gotten busy and time got away from me. I still really want to chat with you. I hope you're not mad at me.

Mad? No, I'm not mad.

I was feeling a little bit like the well had dried up and it was time to post a new ad. And I was wondering what I'd said or done to make EVERYONE bounce at the same time. And I had needed to remind myself that this is an experiment, and the experiment is NOT intended to wreak havoc on my self-esteem. Or even touch it slightly. But mad? Seriously?!?

The fact that all FOUR of them hoped I wouldn't be mad caused me to wonder...

WHO are these men?

No - WHO are the women they've meeting on Craigslist previously?
Do these women really get mad when someone THEY HAVE NEVER MET disappears? For a few days? Is that happening? Is that "normal"?

If that's normal, then I am definitely not it.

Oh - and for the record, there are still a couple out there who did seemingly drop off the face of the earth. I'm guessing they realized I'm not a good match for them. And,

I am okay with that.

* I admit that I'm a little afraid all of my grammar/spelling judgments are going to come back to haunt me one day. I'm going to make some error on this blog, and someone is going to judge extra harshly for it. Let this be my pre-error caveat: I'm not perfect; I know I'm not perfect; I don't expect you to be perfect; but if you're going to make errors in spelling/grammar and you're trying to impress me, know that you'll succeed only if you make them few and far between.