So much support

I just want to say thank you - so many of you have either commented (okay, a few) or called or sent email (a whole lot) to say that you support and/or understand my decision to stop this project.  I appreciate that.  So thank you.

The truth is that even before I met the Two-Name guy, I was starting to feel a bit irritated by it all.  He was the nasty icing on a very bitter cake, and he is a great excuse to stop now, but I'm not entirely sure he's the entire reason.  No.  It all started before him.

I am picky.  And I am critical.  And I don't always like people that much.  Which is probably why so many friends have expressed shock at the fact that I could follow through with these dates and be nice to the men even after they have stuck their feet in their mouths over and over.  And over again.  But as you know, I can also follow the rules, and that often supersedes my own desire to just GET THE HELL OUT.  And I could sit there with these men who were obnoxious or not-at-all-bright or irritating because I could listen to them while mentally composing the story I could tell about the experience.

But there's only so much a person can take of that.  There's only so much I can take of that.  That's part of the reason I slowed down a bit there for a while.  And then I met Two-Name, and I had the perfect excuse to get out.

The truth is, though, that with the exception of "Joe," I haven't met anyone that I want to spend any more time with.  Joe was a fluke.  He was an exception.  And while I didn't go into this whole thing expecting it to be anything other than an experiment and a way to refresh my pot o' stories (and boy did I ever do that!), I did hope that I might make a few new friends.  And that seems to have been futile.

So where are all the people I could have met?  Where are all the interesting friend types?  I know, I know - they aren't on CL.  I get it.  But SURELY there could have been more than one?  Surely it can't be all creeps hanging around out there, can it?

He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 2)

Okay - I get it.  Someone is anxious for the second half of this story.  So I'm going to share it.  And then I'm going to take a hiatus.  I started this project for something to do.  I thought it would be interesting.  I thought it might be fun.  I thought I might learn something. 

It has been interesting.
At times, it has been fun.
I have definitely learned some things.

But it has also been exhausting, burdensome, and a little bit scary.
And now it is more of those things than it is fun. 
It is still interesting.  And I am still learning things, but they are lessons I'd rather keep hidden under rocks in many cases. 
So if it is not the good kind of interesting, if it is no longer fun, and if I am learning about the underbelly of things I'd rather not see, then I need to take a break.  Perhaps I will come back to it someday.  But for now, I just need to move away from unearthing the things that make me angry, sad, or worried. 

In fact, I need to relearn the lesson that it is okay to like people.  I need to relearn the lesson that not all people are freaky or crazy or scary.  I need to relearn that there are some really fantastic people out there.  Continuing this project is not helping me to do that.

And maybe this story will help to illustrate why.  So without further ado,

We left off with this man whose name I don't even know - he signed his emails with one but introduced himself as another when we met.  I asked which was accurate or which he preferred, and he said either.  I suspect neither is his real name and that he was confused about which he had been using for our written communication. 

Maybe he uses one for his "casual encounters" and one for his "women for men" responses?  That's where we'd left him, right?  He asked which type of ad I'd posted?  Well, it turns out that he not only responds to ads in both sections, but he himself actually posts in both the no-strings attached "casual" section and the "men for women" section.  When he posts for NSA meetings, he is typically looking for either a woman or a couple.  He is typically looking to satisfy his oral fixation. 

And did you know that people actually respond?  Who knew?

With just a little bit of prompting from me (in the form of a question along the lines of "do you get responses?"), he launched into a description of one of the encounters he had.  And now I'm going to share it with you.  In all its glory, leaving no details out.  It will likely make you sick.  And you will likely understand why I need a break.

My date (let's call him Two-Name) received a response from Husband, asking if Two-Name could meet Husband and Wife for coffee one day soon.  Wife would not know that the meeting was a set up - it would seem like a random encounter.  Husband wanted Two-Name to have coffee with them, which would lead to him being invited to tag along wherever they were next headed.  Husband would then expect that Two-Name would grope his wife and "try to get in her pants" while Husband watched.  Two-Name agreed to meet them.  He agreed to do this.

So they have coffee.  And then they drive about 30 minutes south of the city in Husband and Wife's car (so, Two-Name is not so smart about personal safety, but that's a different issue).  They get to their destination which I think (but am not sure) is the couple's house.  Husband nods to Two-Name to indicate that he should start groping.  Two-Name does.  Wife resists, but Two-Name continues.  Husband is watching and begins to touch himself.  He also indicates to Two-Name that he should "try to get in her pants."  Two-Name does.  Wife asks Husband if he is going to stop this guy from touching her.  Husband says, "No, Baby."  And he tells Two-Name to continue.  Two-Name overpowers Wife and has sex with her.  Husband is watching.  Husband is masturbating.  Husband and Two-Name finish at about the same time.

Husband drives Two-Name back to the city while Wife stays behind.  In the car, Husband pulls out an assault rifle and tells Two-Name that this will never happen again.  It was a one-time thing.  Two-Name agrees.  And the one smart thing he does in all of it is refuse when Husband calls two weeks later to say that Wife now understands the whole thing was a set up and she's "totally into Two-Name now and wants to do it again."

So let's recap - I went out on a date with a man who agreed to rape another man's wife while the man got off on watching it happen.  And the only thing that bothered him about it was that, in the end, the husband pulled a gun on him.

I cannot do it anymore.

He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 1)

No.  He didn't.  I know that because I looked back over my shoulder ever 2-3 seconds just to make sure.  I kind of thought he might. 

Last night I had a date.  A date that is so full of freaky goodness that I don't know how I can possibly write about all if it in one post.  The post would be pages and pages long.  So it's going to have to come in parts.  Even now, as I rethink the date, I'm shaking my head and wondering if I should really continue on with this blog.  I'm all about entertaining myself (and you, of course) with this project.  But whoa.  Sometimes the brakes need to be applied.  Last night I was pretty sure this is the time for that.  This morning I'm a little less sure. 

I might need some pretty solid encouragement to soldier on, though.

First things first,
This guy (who needs a nickname ... I don't have one yet - any ideas?) responded to my totally and completely innocuous ad:

Hi I don't know if I'm in the right section but I have an oral fixation to pleasure women no questions asked, but I'm tired of looking for just that one thing and would like something more in the long term. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs, I work part time and currently looking for more work, I also volunteer at the food bank, how about you what do you do and what kind music are you into?

An oral fixation?  Eewww.  And, um, no!  You are NOT in the right section.  

But, you know the rules.  And you know me and following the rules.  I replied.

I'm pretty sure you aren't in the right section - or, maybe you are but it'd be best to not lead off with the whole oral fixation part.  That's especially true if you're looking for something more long term.  So, since you say you're looking for more than "just that one thing," tell me something about what you do want ... what do you hope to find here on CL?

And he responded with a nice email, thanking me for being honest with him.  And the email banter continued a bit.  He completely dropped the "I have an oral fixation" thing.  In fact, by the time he asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and a movie, I'd forgotten all about the fact that he was the one who'd said that to me.  

That was a mistake.  A big, big mistake.

Obviously.

And maybe I should have been clued into that when, right after I agreed to meet him, he sent me photos of himself, including one of his bare torso which made it look like he was maybe fully naked.  He also reminded me that he wasn't trying to "get into my pants."  But since we had gotten to a pretty clear "we're just going out to see if friendship might be a good route for us" point and since he didn't send me the penis shot (I hate when they do that), I figured it was just his stock of photos.  And I didn't mind too much.

So we meet up.  The plan is to have a cup of coffee and then head across the street to the discount theatre to see Shutter Island. Neither of us had seen it yet.  I've seen the previews and thought it would be creepy scary.  I'm a little unsure if seeing a movie like that with a first date is a good idea, but I'm open.  This whole project is about being open.

He's on time.  

He's acting a little nervous, but I've learned that is to be expected.  Just because I can generally meet new people without feeling anxious doesn't mean everyone can.  And it certainly seems to be the case that CL responders are of the more nervous variety.  It makes sense - for most of them, they are using this method because they are uncomfortable in social situations.

Still, he seems especially nervous.

He takes AGES to answer a question.  And he seems to think and think and think before doing so.  I know that's a good thing sometimes.  But in this case?  It just seemed like he was trying to fabricate a truth.  For example, "where did you grow up?" garnered a

Shifty eyes.  Several ums.  A few deep breaths.  And the name of a city not stated but given in a lilting question.  

Uh huh.  I believe you're from there.  Yep.  I sure do...  Wink wink. 

In any case, he jumped right into the conversation.  Perhaps a little too far too quickly.  He skipped over all of the niceties and went straight for the "how often do you meet people this way" and "tell me about the weirdest ones."

I'm game for letting these meetings go where the guy wants (within reason, of course) because I figure it gives me much better fodder.  Also, on a more practical dating level, it tells me something about what's important to them without them having to voice it.  In fact, for that reason, I've started to believe that letting a first date go wherever the man takes it is a good tool in general dating.

So I told him about the bald guy.  I didn't tell the whole story, but I offered up the juicy bits.  And he acted appropriately horrified.  So while I knew I wasn't at all -even remotely- attracted to this guy, and while I was finding that I needed to be really patient with his speaking style, I was beginning to think that he might be a nice enough guy to consider as a new friend.  Maybe.  The thought flitted across my mind.

And then he started to tell me about his "weird" dating stories.  But the problem is that in each case, the freaky party was him.  And he knew it!  So I revised my friend theory ... realizing that this guy is a little slow on the uptake all the way around, and I don't have the patience to build a new friendship with someone like that.

Still, we continue on with the date.  

He asks me if the ad he responded to was in the "Casual Encounters" section or the "Women for Men" section.

Excuse me?!?

Oh no!  

First of all - people actually respond to the sex ads?  I mean, real people actually post there and real people actually respond and real people actually meet?!?!  

Second - how on earth could you possibly think it's a good idea to meet up with someone and NOT REMEMBER IF YOU MET THEM IN THE CASUAL ENCOUNTERS SECTION OR THE WOMEN FOR MEN SECTION??

That's a serious question.

And my blood pressure has just gone up thinking about it.  I need a break.  I'll be back later with the rest of the story.

Two updates

First, I've received a whole lot of responses to my last ad.  Too many - it's hard to keep up.  But I'm trying.  And ... I've been talking on the phone to someone I think I might kind of like.

Second, I have a date tonight.  I'll write about it tomorrow.  Promise.

Three times is NOT the charm

Anyone recognize this?
Uh huh.

..........Actually quality guy looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me xxx xxx xxxx.

Uh huh.  It's what you think it is. 

I was finally able to get the next ad up (several responses already - including some guys who want to meet right away!).  And guess who responded?  My friend "Daddy."  This makes the third response from him.  The third response that is exactly the same.

I think I'll respond again.  See what he has to say for himself.

I'll let you know.

Reader Response - Aren't strangers fun?

Okay, look.  I KNOW I've been slacking with this lately.  I have some valid excuses (out of town for the past two weekends, busy in the evenings, not willing to blog while at work even though some of my days have been pretty light lately).  You probably don't like any of those excuses.  I kind of want to say "tough."

But I won't.

Instead, I'll tell you that I am absolutely, incredibly, more-than-super frustrated.  I have tried THREE times - yes, THREE - to post an ad to CL in the last two weeks.  Guess how many of those times the ad has actually posted?  Go on.  Guess.

Bet you can't.

So I'll tell you.  ZERO.  Ever since CL has started making you log in to post an ad, NONE of my ads will post.  I'll keep trying.  But I'm running low on experiences.  And if I can't get an ad posted, I'm not going to have anything to write about. 

In the meantime, here's a story from a reader.  Enjoy :)

So I am a member of a well known dating site and was contacted by this guy who lives some 3 hours away. He offers to take me fishing rather than the bog standard 'wine and dine.' Thats ok with me, I *like* the fact he got to know me well enough to offer that alternative. Then he invites me to go stay,and says he will follow the ground rules of no sex, separate beds. Except, he will pay for the bus ticket and pick me up from the closest bus stop to his little country town - an hour away. Uh no thanks. I'll drive myself, in my car. (allowing for a 'quick' getaway). I keep talking with this guy, even though I'm a bit wary. Then he asks how I'd feel if he WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS SHOWERING! I'm all 'cool' and say its just a naked body, while thinking that this is about the third reference to walking in on someone in the shower. Once as an accident I can believe. Bringing it up 'in case'??? freaky. But thats not all. A couple of days later, he asks what I'd do/would I think it creepy if he WATCHED ME SLEEP??? Super freaky. Now ok, I don't like closed doors, but come on, asking what I'd do if you (a guy, and a complete stranger at that) did these things, well before I am thinking of visiting..well..lets just say that his chances of getting a visitor he wanted to 'get to know' are rapidly declining.

Tread carefully

Just tread carefully.  That's all I'm saying.

Two replies into an email correspondence with one guy had him asking what kind of date with me would be totally unique.  I admit that I danced around the question a bit.  I can be creative sometimes, but mostly in a totally controlled environment. 

If someone I know well had asked me that question, I could have offered a wide variety of options. Every one of them, though, makes me very uncomfortable to think of doing with one of these CL men.  For example, the last unique "date" I went on (with my ex-boyfriend shortly after he'd become an ex -- is that still a date?) involved a drive (1 hour and 20 minutes), a hike (1.5 miles), and a soak in a natural hot spring (clothing optional).

Fun date.  We had a great time. 

Even though it was freezing cold.  Literally.  The ground was frozen solid, and the earlier rain had turned turned to slush when it hit the trails.

Even though I slipped and fell face-first on the way back down.  Even though I was then covered chest-to-toe in very cold mud for the final half of the hike AND all the way back to his place. 

We had a great time.  And it was unique.


Even with all of that, I would never suggest such a thing to someone I've just met.  I'm just a little too afraid that they might say, "Hey - that sounds like fun!  Let's try it."

I don't want to try it with them.  The drive alone would terrify me.  An hour and a half (give or take) in a car with a stranger, heading further and further out of civilization?  No thanks!  Then the hike?  Even with other people on the trail, it's still the big-bad-woods.  Hiking is cool.  I enjoy it.  I like being out in the middle of the forest.  But not with someone I don't know.  And a hot springs soak?  At a clothing optional place?  Even if I'm donning a bathing suit, I don't want to be around a bunch of nudies with a man I've just met.  Too many ideas could be floating around his noggin.  Way too may ideas for my comfort.

Safety first.  Safety first says DO NOT ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT IF YOU THINK HE MIGHT SUGGEST DOING WHATEVER YOU'VE MENTIONED IN YOUR RESPONSE.

So I totally and completely danced around the question.  Instead, I said something along the lines of trying something new, doing something that might make you look like a fool but it's okay because everyone involved knows it's the first time you've done it.

Dumb.  I know.  I get it.  But I was thinking about my safety.

I do, however, know how to play the game.  So I said, "what about you?"

And, well, here's where I think these men ought to tread lightly:

So an unique date huh? What would be something unique for you and I then? Are you a massage person? Would that stretch you? Or would that be a boundary issue... Just throwing ideas out.

Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  That is MOST DEFINITELY a boundary issue.  We have never met.  Never.  Ever.  We don't know each other.  Yes, it would stretch me to consider having a date with you in which we are massaging each other. 

Sigh.

Slow...

I know!  I'm a slacker!  I know it ... a couple of weeks ago I wrote several posts and scheduled them to come out each day, and it lulled me into a sense of security.  It gave me a break from having to write daily. 

Oops!

What a mistake that was.  Now I'm behind.  Sigh.

I've got a couple of first meets, some oldies-but-goodies, and even a few reader stories bungling around.  I just need to find a free moment to sit down and write them out.  They're coming.  I promise.

Please be patient with me.  I'll try to make it worth your wait.

Reader story - Nice photo!

Honestly?  I like reader stories.  I mean, I really like them.  I think it's because they make me feel less alone.  They allow me to say,

See?  I'm not the only one!

And I appreciate that.

So, this reader was using an online dating site, one which requires the "members" to post a photo in their bio section.  Our reader was diligent and chose a photo she really liked, one that offers a fair and accurate representation of her.  The photo seemed to be doing its job, as our reader received a number of winks/smiles/nods/whatever-is-de-rigueur-for-the-site.

One day she received a message from one of the male members.  A male member from whom she'd received absolutely no wink or nod before.  A male member to whom she'd sent no wink or nod.  This was a new "hello" in the form of a full-blown message.  With an attachment.  Of her own photo:

I hope you don't mind.  I took the liberty of lightening up your photo so I could see it better.  I think you're beautiful.  In fact, I am now using the improved photo as the background image on my desktop.  Do you think that's creepy?

YES!  It's creepy.  Of course it's creepy!  And you know it.  If you didn't, you wouldn't ask.  Still, why?  Really.  I want to know.  WHY?  You've never met this woman.  You first manipulate her picture to look as you want it to.  Then you put it on your computer for daily consumption?  Then you tell her about it?  And you don't know her?  I think you might be someone who should frighten us all.  

Ad #5

I admit it.  This ad's not my best work.  I posted this one when I was feeling a little irritated.  I was tired.  I was annoyed.  I wasn't thrilled.  And I think it shows.  I know that.


And guess what?  There wasn't much in the way of responses.


Lesson learned.

----------------
Is there a right way? - 33

I've posted a few ads - even been lucky in love once through CL - but lately it's seemed like a whole lot of responses, a bit of email back-and-forth, and then nothing. I think it's at least partially because I grow weary of the typical "who are you" and "what do you do" questions, so I don't always write back as soon as the men would like. Also, despite the fact that it's 8:05 on a Saturday night and it might not seem like it, I'm a busy woman. Thus, I can't always respond immediately, but I always try to get back withing 24 hours.

In any case, it seems to me that perhaps there's a better way than the typical. So let's try this -
I'm a 30-something woman, single with no kids. I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for here, but I know what I'm not seeking - I'm not looking for casual sex or friends-with-benefits; I'm not looking for drug users, heavy drinkers, or smokers. I'm not looking for someone who wants to email back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and never get to a face-to-face meeting. I'm not looking for a face-to-face meeting that would be much more than catching up to have a hot drink or a dish of ice cream at a local cafe. Call me an ageist if you will, but I'm not looking for someone old enough to be my father (and you know who you are - if you were having sex at 15, then by mid- to late-forties, you're old enough to be my dad; if you abstained until college, well, you just bought yourself some time. Either way, you get the idea.) I'm not looking for someone who's going to judge the fact that I've got a few more than a few extra pounds and, try as I might, they're stubbornly with me.

Long list of not-wants, I know. Like I said, I'm trying something different. More different - if you're maybe what I DO want, send me a message telling me something you wish people knew about you but never seem to take the time to learn. Then, ask me a question you'd like me to answer (I promise I will respond to everyone at least once - I'm open to meeting new, interesting people who think they might be a good match for me). Bonus points if your question makes me think!

I'm legal

I'm not sure if this story really qualifies as freaky because the male role is played by a teenager.  Aren't all teenage boys a little bit freaky?  I'm thinking this boy might qualify as a freak-in-training, so I'm going with it.

About a decade ago I was teaching high school.  I was 22 and teaching girls and boys just a few years younger than me.  I always lied about how old I was, and many of the kids believed me.  Some of them, though, were much savvier and knew that I'd just barely graduated from college and wasn't really too much their elder.

One of them was a boy we'll call Jimmy.  I'm going to be perfectly honest with you because I think that's only fair, but I'll only do that if you promise not to hold it against me.  If I had seen Jimmy outside of my classroom - like, say, in a club or something - I would never have known he was still a high school student.  He looked at least 22.  And if I'd seen him from across the club and thought he was 22 or older, I would have thought he was hot.

Jimmy was a good looking guy, definitely the kind of guy I would have been attracted to if I'd met him in a different context.  Well.  The kind of guy I would have been attracted to until he opened his mouth and I realized he was a teenager and in a completely different life stage than me.

Go ahead.  Make your Mary Kay Letourneau jokes.  Get them out of your system.  And then go back and read the last sentence of that previous paragraph.  Go on.  Let me help you interpret: Jimmy was a good looking kid who would have been attractive to me if he hadn't been in my class or a teenage boy.

Now that you've got the idea, picture this:
It's December, so we're about halfway through the year.  It's Jimmy's birthday.  He's 18.  

Jimmy walks into my classroom at lunch and hands me a slice of birthday cake.  My classroom was usually full of kids at lunch, so this is an unusual day, in the sense that Jimmy's the only student hanging out there. 

He starts talking to me.  He reminds me it's his birthday (as if that piece of cake hadn't been a good enough clue).  He tells me that he broke up with his girlfriend a couple days before.  They were both in my fifth period class, so I'd already suspected that - they'd been acting awfully strange around each other all week.  He talks and talks about nothing in particular.  Then,

Ms. Flypaper, it's my birthday today.

I know, Jimmy.  Happy Birthday!

Ms. Flypaper, I'm legal today.

Uh-oh.  Legal?  Does he mean what I think he means?  Nah.  He couldn't possibly.

Oh?  Yeah, Jimmy, you can vote now.  Be sure to do that - it's your civic duty.

No, Ms. Flypaper.  I'm legal.

Right.  I know.  You have to register for selective service.  It's the law, so do it soon.

Ms. Flypaper.  I'm LEGAL.

Oh crap!  He definitely means what I think he means.  I'm wracking my brain to figure out what else is legal when you turn 18.  And I can only think of one.

Jimmy, you know that smoking is bad for your health.  I hope you don't take up that nasty habit.

I've got nothing else.  If he says it one more time, I'm in BIG trouble.  I have no idea what I'm going to say.  I'm nervous and anxious.  I don't want to have this conversation.  I don't want to have to tell Jimmy that he's being inappropriate.  I want him to just figure it out for himself.  Call me passive-aggressive if you want.  I don't care.  I just don't want Jimmy to tell me he's legal again.  Please please don't tell me that, Jimmy.  Please?

(Clearly exasperated and with a deep sigh) Fine.  I'm going to celebrate my birthday with my friends.

Dodged a bullet.  SO dodged a bullet.
But Jimmy started skipping class a lot in the second semester.
I still feel like I failed him because of that.

Elsewhere on the internet

Oh my goodness! 

I've been following the Date Wrecks blog lately.  Perhaps not surprisingly, my favorite section is the "Craigslist Crazies."  Today's crazy post is a complete nightmare.  I can't decide if I totally believe in its authenticity, but given what I know is out there -- I'm thinking it's entirely possible that this post is real. 

Check it out.  And then gag just a little bit. 

Ick.

Catholic guilt rears its head

But not for the reason you might think.

Nope - I'm not questioning this whole project.  Instead, guilt has been rearing its ugly head because my sister commented that I've been "mean to Joe in the blog."  And that was only a couple days after Joe himself told me that I'd missed some of what he'd said. 

So, I just want to say for the record - I'm sorry.  I really do like Joe.  I care about him quite a bit.  We still spend time together.  I do not have ill feelings toward him.  I do not intend to be mean to him.  I also do not intend to misrepresent him or his words.  (At the risk of doing so now, though, let me be clear - he did say that as it's my blog I can write whatever I like.  He's not offended.  He understands the creative license that goes into paraphrasing a half hour conversation into a short-ish blog post.  He has, more-or-less, given his blessing for me to write anything I'd like about him.  And he says that not only will he not mind, he'll still like me.  So I have to ask - what's not to love?)

Guilt is a funny thing.  I'm convinced that my relationship with guilt has a whole lot to do with those years and years of Catholic school.  Thus, despite the fact that he doesn't have a problem with it, my sister's admonition that I've been mean to Joe compels me to issue a public apology.

I'm sorry, Joe, if anything I've written about you on this blog has been mean. 
I think you're a good person..

I'm grateful to have met you.

I'm glad you're in my life.

Even if the realities of how you're in my life have changed.

They're everywhere - even right on my corner

This isn't a dating story.  But it IS a freak story.  And it is an example of how I attract them.  I hope you'll indulge me as I tell it.

Tonight - not more than an hour and a half ago, I was returning home from a CL date (more on that later ... this overeager guy whose feelings I'm probably about to hurt deserves more than just a mere passing mention, but I promise I'll give you an update soon). 

As I walk up to the corner upon which my house sits, I hear two men talking loudly.  This is not unusual, as I live in a pretty busy neighborhood, and people often congregate on my corner.  These two men are talking loudly and appear to be having a heated conversation but not one that could be characterized as an argument. 

One notices me, turns away from his friend, and begins to talk in a softer voice.  He introduces himself to me, tells me his name is Luciano.  He's standing near a utility pole, and he moves so that he's facing it but continues to talk to me.  I hear his friend say, "Awww, man!" before he warns me to "watch out."

Luciano is unzipping his pants, pulling out his penis, and beginning to urinate on the pole.  All the while, he is TALKING TO ME.

I quickly run up my steps and unlock my door.  Still, I hear the constant stream of urination.  Ugh.

I live here!  And you just peed on my corner.  Not only that, you talked to me while you did it.  Why?  Why?  I just want to know why.

Hostile much?

I was looking through some old emails.  Old as in from last summer when this all began.  It was part spring-cleaning and part-check-to-make-sure-I-haven't-missed-anything.

Would you believe that I missed some things?

I did.

I found this string of messages between me and a guy who gave just his initials.  It was after my first-ever post on CL, so I was still new to the game.  I hadn't yet learned all the subtleties.  Ha!  Who am I kidding?  I'm still learning the nuances of this whole online personals thing.  But then?  Well, way back then I didn't have a full-blown CL relationship under my belt.  So I was most definitely not an expert.

Here is the joy that I experienced/participated in:

a k to Flypaper

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
are you real?
Proof that you real.
Most ad here posted by man from Nigeria Africa.
e-mail front and back. But i am leaning too.
If in 3 emails no plan to see each other that is waste of time for me.

---

this message was remailed to you via: xxxx2@craigslist.org

---

Adrienne

Are you real? I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and...

7/5/09

AdrienneLoading...

7/5/09

Flypaper to a k

Are you real?  I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and it's fair of you to ask for proof.  Though, without knowing what would be valid proof for you, I'm not sure I can offer it.  I'm also not sure what you mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 

If it must lead to meeting within three e-mails without this being a waste of time, then it seems to me those e-mails ought to have some substance.  Do you agree?  If so, then let's count your next e-mail as the first - something to let me know that you saw something in my ad that interests you.

Until then, take care -
Flypaper

a k to Flypaper

do you like mear of this city and what do you think about it?

I think it is in English -mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 
It is when 3 mail sent and no physical see person - waste time.
Do you speak English?
Nigiran speak British language. I forget.

Today after 5 show up on east site any bid shopping place or take your business away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flypaper to a k

I'm guessing you're not real.  Care to prove me wrong?

a k to Flypaper

Go find job on oil field you in Nigiria Africa
This is end!


See how nice I was?  I was trying so hard to be a good sport.  I gave it my best effort.  I really did.  This was before I realized that I can fudge the rules a bit.  I couldn't even really understand what he wanted from me.  Part of that is the English problem (who knew that if I just spoke British English, I wouldn't have such problems understanding poor grammar and spelling?); part of it is the all-over-the-place nature of his message.

Can I be honest, though?  I was really, really glad that he ended it all.  Even if he was a little hostile.  Even if he wasn't real.  I was glad to know that it would be just fine for me to go find myself a job in the oil fields of Nigeria.

 

Not safe for my eyes - or yours, probably

Really?!?

Do they really have to send me naked photos?  I just want to have an opportunity to meet a nice guy.

Okay, okay - a little honesty is in order, I know.  So let me try again, I just want to have an opportunity to get some good stories out of this whole project.  But that does not (let me repeat, that DOES NOT) mean I want to see your nakedness splashed all over my inbox.  I can't wash my eyes of the image.  If you want me to see your nakedness, you've got two options (only one of which might actually be legitimate) -

1) Get to know me.  Date me.  Seduce me.  You know ... all the normal ways that people might "get" to see your nakedness.
2) Pull a BPB.  It's bold, a little bit "eeewwww!"-inducing, but also semi-creative.  If nothing else, it requires you to have some gumption and to put yourself out there, ready for rejection in a face-to-face kind of way.

WARNING: Don't click on the link if you don't want to see it!

But please, please whatever you do, don't send me photos.  Even if you also send me a message asking if I want to start a friendship with NSA.  I don't care.  I don't want your NSA friendship, and I sure don't want to see your penis.  Not in my inbox.  Ick.

I apologize to anyone whose eyes are burning as badly as mine did.  But I did warn you about the link.  I almost didn't put it there.  I did only because I feel the need to offer proof.  You can thank me later for not simply posting it for all the world to see.

**Note: I doctored up the photo to protect the innocents' eyes.  Please know that I was absolutely, totally, 100% visually assaulted with a view of the real thing.  No sketchy peach-colored box covering the goods.**

These can't be real

It's Saturday, so I'm taking a break from stories - mine or others.  Perhaps I'll write a new ad today.  Maybe I'll work on making a couple of dates with the hangers-on that are still out there.  I'm not sure. 

In the meantime, enjoy this little number, okay?



I know this woman says the ad is what she posted, and these men are who she heard from. But that can't possibly be true. These men look NOTHING like the men that respond to my ads. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me!

One-liners

Sometimes the men who respond to my ads baffle me.  I'll take some time crafting a statement about who I am and what makes me tick, and then I'll get a one line response.  Maybe it's a way for these men to suss out which ads are real and which are posted by bots.  But really?  One line?  That's supposed to entice me how?

They aren't even gems.  If they were witty or offbeat, I might be more inclined to give them a pass.  But they aren't.

don't act dumb just remain silent ! you sound tall?

This was in response to ad #3, so I get the "don't act dumb" part.  But be silent?  Is that akin to the old admonition that women and children ought not speak until spoken to?  No thanks.  And I sound tall?  How does someone "sound" tall?  Funny you should think so, as I stand not even 5'2" tall.  Oops.

Hi how's your evening going I know it's late just looking for someone to chat to. I'm str8 not creepy like some people out their.

Ah.  But isn't it always the case that if you have to tell someone you're not creepy, you probably are?  And are you "str8" as in not gay?  Or "str8" as in okay with how things are going?  Or some other "str8"?  The real problem, though, is that your grammar and spelling is all messed up.  I might have been a little more forgiving if only you'd taken the time to edit.  It would have taken 2 seconds.  Honest.  (Watch how easy it is.  "Hi.  How's your evening going?  I know it's late, but I'm just looking for someone to chat with.  I'm straight, not creepy like someone people out there."  See?) 

That was a cute story - Hope you find your luck.

Well, me too.  Are you hoping to be it?  Because if so, I'm going to need a little more to go off here, buddy.  A little effort?  Please?  Is that too much to ask?

Reader Response

I really do enjoy hearing from you all.  Comments on posts are good, but sometimes I hear via Facebook or e-mail.  The following came from a new (and soon-to-be loyal, I hope) reader:

Now, I'll grant that this reader just happens to be a bald man.  So, I'm not surprised he picked up on my "Unsolicited Tip #2" of dating.

And, gosh!  I sure hope I can keep up with the demand so that no one has to stop reading any time soon.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

Reader Response - It's the shoes UPDATE

Well, wouldn't you know it - I've just been Google chatting with Marco.

Rest assured, he thinks his story was accurately portrayed.  But he also told me that he was thinking perhaps he should have shared some of the theories about why his date left those dang shoes on.

And he had me cracking up.  How can I not share with you?

In fact, let's all make a list - I'll start with Marco's own thoughts (or the thoughts he and his friends have compiled over the years), and then you all add to the list in the comments section.  Good plan?  Yeah, I think so too.

Without further ado,

Plausible explanations for someone not removing their shoes during sex:

1. Athlete's foot
2. Toenail fungus
3. No toes
4. Webbed feet (which, Marco says, is the preferred theory)

So have at it - let's get that list going!  I can't wait to hear what you come up with.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

You're funny - want to buy my art?

So remember last night, when I was lamenting the fact that ad #4 had gotten me nowhere?  No freaks.  No interest.  No nothing?

I'm not saying that wasn't true, but I am willing to say that maybe I was a little, eensy-teensy bit, hasty.  While it is the case that almost none of the men who responded to my ad followed suit after I replied, it's not as if their original missives were without "merit." 

For example, I received the following message

Hello,

Your post was entertaining. A few parts even made me laugh. Figured I would just start a random conversation and see where things go. Starting random conversations online isn't a simple task. It's a bit hard to read people or see the person they are. But I'll put some effort into it. Since you seem like a character with some depth. 

So my name is Raphael and I have a jewelry business. I don't work with diamonds or gems. It's a kind of glass art. I hand craft all of my pendants and sell them locally at the market. Ever been there? I found out that most of the people who do visit aren't locals. I love selling my jewelry there. It's refreshing.

Anyways short intro. Maybe I'll hear from you. Or if you wanted to know more about me. You can visit my myspace page at raphaelsmyspacepage.

Cheers, Raphael

Not so bad, right?  I know, I know.  Except that he also included photos of his jewelry (including one of him wearing the jewelry). 

With captions asking if I'd maybe like to buy some.

And, of course, when someone invites me to their MySpace or Facebook page, I go.  I'm not stupid.  I know that's a good place to check out the goods.  (And let's be honest - if they give me their first and last name, I'm usually headed off to find their sites even if they don't explicitly invite me to do so.)  At first, I was irritated because Raphael's page appeared to be one big advertisement for his jewelry.  I'm not saying that he shouldn't advertise - and more power to him for getting out and following his dream.  "Way to go, Raphael," I say.  

But

Then I started browsing around in his photos.  It wasn't hard.  They're right there.  He hasn't hidden them from public view.  You'll never guess what I saw!  

Picture after picture after picture of this guy kissing women.  Different women.  All different women.

Fine.  Go ahead.  Kiss away!  But, um, you were responding to a personals ad!  Don't send me off to see photos of you smooching the whole city!

So let's recap:

When you respond to a personals ad (yes, even on CL),

1) Don't use your response as a way to advertise your wares.  At least, not your professional wares.

2) Don't send the woman you're trying to meet off to a site where she'll see loads of pictures of you making out with other women.  

Not cool.

And, well, you know me.  Not cool = not interested.

(But of course I responded, since the rules tell me to.  He never replied...)

Dry Spell

Let me be perfectly honest -

The last ad got me nowhere.  I got a ton of responses.  And I replied to every single one.  And then ... nothing!  Absolutely nothing.  They've all stopped writing to me.  No one requested that we meet.  What's going on here?

In fact, it's gotten so bad that I've already posted ad #5.  And the worst part of it?  I have had two responses.  That's it.  TWO.

Am I losing my touch?  Is the timing all wrong?  What's the problem here?

Reader Story - It's the shoes

You all voted last week, and you've led me to believe that sometimes you'd like to hear each others' stories.  Who am I to deny you the opportunity to learn about freaks who plague more than just poor little old me?  No one, that's who.

And wouldn't you know it?  I've just received a new reader story that I can't help but share.  Just.  As in just yesterday.  It's THAT good.


So, to set the stage:
Our reader-friend was a college senior.  He was interested in dating but hadn't found what he was looking for (maybe partly because he was into slightly older men) on his campus.  Off to the internet he went.  It wasn't CL, but some other service that offered him a wider array of options.  On the night of our story, our reader (let's call him Marco for the sake of ease) was meeting up for the first time with a man from one of these online sites.

They met downtown for dinner and drinks.  Marco's date arrived straight from work, wearing a suit and seeming to be all of his 30-something years.  Eating, drinking, and maybe a little flirting ensued.  After several hours, dark was setting in.  The two were enjoying each others' company, and they wanted to spend more time together.  So how could they not take a cab back to campus?

Marco shared a college apartment with a few friends, all of whom were asleep when he and his date arrived.  And none of whom he wanted to have to explain this visit to ... at least not until his visitor was long gone.  So after spending several minutes chatting, flirting, and generally carousing in the common living area, Marco got bold.  He invited his date (whose name has long since been forgotten) to join him in his bedroom. 

You're not dumb.  You know that one thing led to another.  Marco and his date were having a grand old time, enjoying each others' company in that bedroom.  Clothes came off.  More fun was had.  Until suddenly, Marco noticed something strange.

His date was naked.  Marco was naked.  But his date's feet were not naked.  Now, you may know some men who like to keep their socks on during sex.  I've heard about this from a number of people, men and women both.  You might think it strange that some men prefer to wear socks in bed.  I say socks are nothing!

Because this guy's feet weren't not naked because he was wearing socks.

No.  The date's feet were not naked because he was still wearing his shoes.

His shoes.  The guy was there, enjoying Marco's company, totally naked save his shoes.  He was wearing his shoes while in the midst of sex.  He'd slipped his suit pants over his shoes.  (Side note: you might be like me and wonder how that's possible.  But if you were like me and asked Marco that, you'd get the same shoulder shrug I did - Marco marvels at that to this day as well.)

Marco asked about the shoes.  And he was told, in no uncertain terms,

I don't take my shoes off in beds that aren't my own.

Is that right?  You can take all of your other clothes off, but not your shoes?  Really?  

Really.

He left Marco's apartment not long after that.  And he's never been heard from again.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

Small frustrations

Why don't people read?  (I ask this question EVERY SINGLE DAY in my job, but I'm asking it here, too.)

Why don't men read?

I sent an email to one of these guys who's been asking if I can meet him soon.  I told him that I have plans on Monday and Tuesday night this week.

He responded with

Let me know what nights this week you are free.

If I explicitly say that I am not free on Monday and Tuesday, then that means I am available on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, right?  Right?

That's what I thought.

Read.  Please.  Just read.  Or, you know, not reading = not interested.

Ad #4

Here's ad #4.

I took a different tack this time and went the "I want to be friends" route.  Truth be told, that's probably as honest as it gets at this point, so I feel okay about taking it that direction.  Not surprisingly, that's not always how the men read the ad.

We'll get to what they said later.  For now, peruse it yourself and feel free to let me know what you think.  (Yes, I know that some of it got cut off, and I'm working on my posting skills, but I'm not there yet.  Sorry!)

------

I've been thinking lately - 33

Okay, that's not fair, really.  Like most people, I think a lot.  In fact, I'm thinking all the time.  But lately my thoughts have been turning toward the notion that maybe it's time to meet some new people.

Maybe it's time to make some new friends; maybe it's time to meet a new guy.  Maybe it's simply time to open up my little world a bit more.  

Don't get me wrong - I've got good friends, a few hobbies, and a pretty great family.  I'm not looking for replacements, just a way to expand my group of "hey, let's hang out" folks.

Here's the rub:

I'm not interested in casual sex (so need to respond if that's your thing).

I'm not 420 friendly, nor am I friendly to other drugs.  And if you're thinking this might go in the direction of dating (I'm open to the possibility), I'm not tobacco friendly, either.

I don't drink often, and when I do it's not much.

So if you think a new friend might be something you'd like, drop me a line.  Or if you like your relationships to blossom out of friendships, drop me a line.  We'll see where it takes us.

Fun with words

I'm a little bit enamored of Wordle. This is wordle's interpretation of the primer I wrote for the blog a few days ago.



Mostly, I just think it looks cool.

Reader Response

After reading Prince of Pleats, a reader made a point of finding me to say,

All I wanted after reading that was to apologize for my people.

So let me just say - apology accepted.  I won't hold any other Saudi princes accountable for the poor judgment of Ahmad.  I promise.  (And I won't hold the Saudi oil kings accountable, either!)

Okay, okay.  Apology accepted.  Though I'm not sure it's your responsibility to speak on behalf of an entire nation.  Still.  Thanks.  Much appreciated. 

If you can't say anything nice...

Let me be clear - my feelings aren't hurt.  I am not disappointed.  I just think that there are nicer ways to tell someone you aren't interested.

Am I wrong?

To wit, he first wrote

how about a pic to share?

I responded that I could certainly send along a picture but before doing so I'd like to hear a little about why he responded to my ad.  I contend that's not too much to ask for.  A 6 word response doesn't really inspire me to share much, especially if he hasn't sent a photo along himself.

well to start I too dont drink smoke or do drugs of any kind very rare to fine some one else that doesnt you seem to have a possitive out look on life also

I responded but forgot that he was requesting a picture, so I didn't send one.  He asked again.  I sent a photo and asked if he also had one.  Trading them seems fair, right?

So he sends one, saying that he thought he already had.  Now, I'm not really complaining, but he didn't actually send a picture of himself; he sent a picture of his motorcycle.  In fact, he'd even titled the file "bike.jpg."  See what I mean?

 Okay, so he sends me this photo and then, two minutes later, he sends me another message.  TWO MINUTES.

if thats your pic please dont reply

I could go off on his lack of apostrophes or capital letters.  But I won't.  I'd rather say, didn't your mom ever tell you, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?

Time for some housekeeping

Some of you have been around for a while and know what this project is all about.  Others are just joining us.  And even though there's a spot over there in the sidebar (-->) to encourage new people to check out what's going on, I want to take a day to be sure everyone is on the same page.

You know, not everyone has the patience to read through the whole blog.  And you can only imagine what it would be like to stumble in here without a clue.  Ha!  The thought makes me chuckle.

And it turns out - shockingly enough - that readership is growing every single day.  I'm surprised (and, quite frankly, flattered) that you've shared the blog with your friends.  And that they are now along for the ride.  I only hope I can live up to expectations.

I only hope the CL men I meet can live up to expectations!

So, it seems that a primer for the "newbies" and a reminder for our loyal readers is in order:

1. I'm a single, 33 year old woman living in a major metropolitan area of the United States.
2.  My past is rife with meeting odd characters - "freaks," if you will.  That's true whether I'm meeting them in social or work settings.  It's just my luck.  Some think I take after my dad in that.  Others think I'm just a magnet for the bizarre.  Me?  I think I am Flypaper for Freaks.
3. Just about one year ago, I was thrust into a moment of complete and utter lunacy when I had a brainstorm - wouldn't it be hilarious to use Craigslist personals ads to meet new people and attract more freaks?  And wouldn't that make a really funny book? 
4. I believe my brilliancy struck on the morning of Easter Sunday.  I shared the idea with my family.  And the only person who thought it was a good idea was my now-sister-in-law.  Others questioned my sanity.  My mom said, "won't it be dangerous?"  My brother said, "don't you have another book idea already in the works?  How much follow through do you think you'll really have?"  (Sidenote - yes, I do have another book idea bungling around in my head, but I can't do anything about it until I get a new career.  Funny enough, it has to do with meeting odd characters in non-social settings.)  My dad ignored the whole conversation.
5. I let the idea go for several weeks, but it kept nagging at me.  I talked to a couple friends about it.  They said a book was a bad idea, but a blog?  A blog could be PERFECT!  I worried that a blog might give me away.  What if the men found it?  What if they realized what I was doing?  What if?  What if?  What if?
6. I sat on the idea for a while longer.  But I know myself.  When I get an idea, I generally have to go for it.  Especially if that idea sticks around for days, weeks, months.  So, I plunged in. 
7. I was embarrassed about going out to look for "love" on CL, and I was afraid that I might chicken out.  But, again, I know myself.  I am nothing if not a MAJOR rule follower.  So how better to harness my anxiety and ensure I follow through?  Write some rules, of course!  
8. I wrote the rules, and I wrote my first ad.  And then I waited.  (Of course, any of you who have used CL personals know that "waiting" is a bit of a misnomer - those guys swoop in immediately.  We're talking right away!  I had barely confirmed the ad before I had a response.  At first I thought I'd just gotten lucky.  Now I realize that's totally normal.)
9. By my second ad, I understood that the rules needed some adjusting AND that I needed to actually be open to meeting someone who could have potential.  It couldn't just be a game.  And as soon as I was open to that possibility, I met someone.  And I gave up the blog for 7 months.
10. He dumped me.  And now I'm back at it.  I don't have high hopes for meeting another special someone, but I've learned my lesson.  I'm open to the possibility.  Either way, the most important part of this whole project (and make no mistake - that's what this is ... a project.  Or, if you prefer, an experiment.)  It's a way for me to meet new people, marvel at the wonder of dating, and hopefully, provide a bit of humor to the world.  I trust you'll tell me if I'm not doing my job.
11. I learned that sometimes it's fun to supplement stories about the experiment with stories from my past.  It offers proof that I've always attracted "interesting" people and it provides for some material in the lag-time between a new ad and meeting the guys.

Reader Response

Sorry to disappoint.  I'm trying - really, really trying - to get a new post up every single day.  Okay, every single weekday.  And one on the weekends.  I'm trying.  But rest assured that if there isn't a new post it's because I'm frantically responding to all the emails or trying to write a new ad. 

Prince of pleats

Two years ago on New Years Eve, I had planned to fly out to visit a friend but was thwarted just a few days before my flight was supposed to leave.  By the time I knew I was going to be home for the holiday, my local friends were all busy.  Good thing I have family in town!  I coerced my brother into feeling badly enough that he'd be willing to spend the evening with me.

We tried a concert but to no avail.  The pub was full, and there was no way we were cool enough to con our way in.  Instead, we headed out to our neighborhood bar.  (Yes, our neighborhood bar; my brother and I live just a couple of doors away from each other.)  The bar is a little seedy and is largely patronized for its karaoke and pool tables.  They also sell some of the nastiest Chinese food around.  It's a dive.  But, it was New Years Eve; we didn't have other plans; and going there meant not having to worry about driving home.

Disclaimer: I don't drink often, and when I do, I don't drink much.  It doesn't take much for me to feel the effects of alcohol, and I had more than a few cocktails that night.  That said, I know that I remember this story accurately.  Truly.

As my brother and I were sitting at the bar, enjoying each others' company, he noticed a few women who'd gone to his high school walk through the door.  He took the opportunity to chat them up, leaving me alone to my wallow in my sadness at our circumstances.

But not for long.

I was soon joined at the bar by a man who introduced himself as Ahmad.  In fact, he told me that he's a prince.  He's from Saudi Arabia, and he's here in the States for school.  He's working on his PhD in mathematics.  He's rich.  Really, really rich.  And smart.  Very smart.

Side note: I have a theory - if you have to tell me you're rich, you aren't.  If you have to tell me you're smart, you aren't.  

In any case, Ahmad is trying to snuggle up close to me.  He's been drinking but not heavily.  He talks and talks, telling me all about his friends and relatives.  He tells me that even though he's Muslim, he thinks that drinking and sex are amazing.  He's thrilled to be in the United States because he can partake in these activities without repercussion.  He tells me I'm beautiful.  I shouldn't really be flattered, but I'd just been told to stay home by a guy I used to love and I'd had a bit too much to drink at that point.  Plus, my brother is still chatting up these women from high school, leaving me to fend for myself.  So I let him continue talking to me.  He goes on and on about being a Saudi prince.  On and on and on.

He tells me he'd really like to come home with me.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

When I return, I sigh with relief because he's moved on to the next woman.  He's snuggling up close to her.  He's got his arm wrapped around her shoulders, with his hand grazing her breasts.  He's moved quickly.  I am grateful to have gotten away easily.

Until she leaves to use the restroom.

Ahmad is back.  Telling me all over again about being a Saudi prince.  I tell him I already know.  And he leans in and says,

I want to play with your body.  I want to lick the folds.  I want to be touch your rolls.  I want to suck on your pleated skin.  Take me home so I can play in your folds.

There is so much wrong there.

I know I'm not thin.  I know you know I'm not.  But, really?  I wasn't going to take him home anyway, but pointing out my totally flawed body?  Really?  Is that supposed to seduce me?

It doesn't.

Work freaks

In general, I'm not inclined to mix work with "pleasure."  In other words, work shouldn't be finding its way into this blog very often.  But today I just can't help it.

You'll remember that I'm on the road for a work trip, right?  Well, this part of the job requires meeting a whole lot of people - primarily high school students and their parents.  Last night I met an older used-to-be-famous man.  I recognized him but couldn't place him, though a colleague was able to do that for me.  This 73 year old man brought his 16 year old son by to meet me (I googled him ... and confirmed that it was, in fact, him and found both his age and his son's). 

Before walking up to me, he winked at me.

When he stopped to introduce his son to me, he winked at me.

When they walked away, he winked at me.

I think winking is creepy.  I think old men winking at younger women is extra creepy.  Don't wink at me, semi-famous dude!  Please please don't wink at me.

On the road

I am out of town this week, traveling for work.  That's not unusual for me, so I don't have any problem telling my ad responders that I'm happy to continue emailing with them this week but certainly can't meet up with them.  It's just a normal part of my life to be hanging out in a hotel room for a few days. 

Two men have responded to this news in ways I find a little bizarre:

First,

So how does a 33 year old end up with a job that allows her travel all the time?

Well.  Is it that unusual for someone my age to have a job in which I spend a few weeks a year on the road?  Am I crazy for thinking that's fairly normal?  And what does my age have to do with that?  There are women in my office who are 22 and women who are in their 50s.  We all travel.  Is it really that strange?

Second, an email from someone who's been hanging around since the third ad (the 29 year old who's never had a job),

This week will be filled with looking for work, finding some places to volunteer, and hoping to schedule meeting you. Like to be productive and this week shall be just that.

Enjoying your large bed?

Okay, I'm glad to hear that he's looking for a job.  Nice to know that he wants to volunteer as well.  Those things can both take time.  But is it really going to take that much time to schedule a meeting with me?  I mean, if not for this blog, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even bother, but given the rules, I'm pretty easy!  As long as I'm in town and not working, I'm going to say yes.  Sure, he doesn't know that, but I can pretty much guarantee it's not going to take much time to schedule a meeting with me.

More importantly, eeewwww!  Gross! 

Am I enjoying my large bed? 

Okay, it's true that my hotel room sports a king, and I guess he could assume that.  But it could also be the case that I'm in a room with two queens.  Also, what does he think I sleep on at home?  It's not like my bed at home is a twin. 

More importantly, what am I supposed to do with that question?  It just makes my skin crawl.  Ick.

Reader Story - Coitus Interruptus

This isn't my story.  I promise not to do this very often (unless you like the concept?), but this one's just too good to not share.  Of course, since it's not my story, I can't promise that I'll get all the details right.  Still, I think I'm capturing the essence.

To set the scene:
Our reader has been using an online personals program specific to her city.  Not Craigslist* but still a free service.  She's been out with a few guys, but nothing's really sparked for her.  No freaks to speak of (which, let's be clear, is good for her.  I'm the one who thinks meeting freaks is funny.  She's actually trying to find someone she can love.)

Then, finally our reader meets a guy she's really into.  They go out once and have a blast.  Their second date is amazing.  The third and fourth follow suit.  So by the fifth date, she's excited and thinking this might be going somewhere.  She's ready.  You know - ready.  She packs a few things before heading out for dinner, knowing that she won't be sleeping at home that night.

And she's not disappointed.  They go out, have dinner and a few drinks.  When it starts getting to be pretty late, he invites her back to his place.  She's eager and prepared, so of course she accepts.  And they promptly hit the sack.  This has, after all, been in the making for several really fantastic dates, and she's pretty sure they've both been thinking about it since the moment they met.  She can hardly believe she's waited this long. 

There they are, going at it "hot and heavy" as my mom would say.  Suddenly, mid-coitus, he stops.  He says he's not sure they should be doing this.  She allays his fears and they start up again.  For a couple of minutes.  He stops again.  He pulls out.  He turns away from her and curls up into the fetal position.  And he says, "this isn't right.  I can't do this."

She's stumped.  She tries to talk to him.  He curls further and further into a ball.

It clicks for her.  She knows exactly what's happening.  She was abused, so she's recognizing the signs.  She likes this guy, and she wants to continue spending time with him.  She wants that time to include sex.  And she thinks that maybe they could get back to it if only he'd open up with her.  The best way to get someone to open up about something?  Share your own story.  So she does.  She discloses her abused past to him.

And he starts to talk.

He was never abused.  Nope.  Not him.  But a friend of his was. 

(Side note: I've never experienced abuse, and I'm not a psychologist, so I don't have a totally clear sense of how the whole healing process works.  But this smacks a little of adolescent behavior.  You know, the kind of thing where one might say, "I have a friend who really likes this guy but doesn't know how to talk to him..."  Am I wrong?)

In fact, he walked in on his friend being abused.  And he was so angry about it that he "beat the crap" out of the guy doing the abusing.  Beat him to a bloody pulp.  The guy couldn't walk for days.  He saved his friend.

Riiiiight.

As he tells the story, his volume increases 10-fold.  It's the middle of the night; they're in an apartment with relatively thin walls, lying in bed naked.  He's screaming.  Spewing venom.  He's thrashing around. Surely everyone in the building can hear him.  It's scary.

As our reader says, "he wasn't the one abused?"

She's beginning to think that she should just gather her things and go home.  But it's late.  And she's still feeling the effects of drinking.  (PSA: Good for you, not wanting to drive drunk!)  She's relatively new to town and doesn't have any friends she can call on to come get her.  So when he settles down some, she decides that staying won't be so bad.

They start talking again.  Laughing.  Joking.  Watching YouTube videos.**  Laughing.  It's a little eerie how quickly he's back to being the guy she thought she was getting to know.  They're having a good time.  He turns to her and says, "Do you want to try again?"

Ummm... 
No.  NO.  NO.  She did not. 
Thank you very much.

And, as far as I know, she drove herself home the next morning and hasn't seen or heard from him since.


* Nope, not in Little Rock, either.  But I still think you should check out their ads.
** I don't know what videos they were watching, but this is the one that makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it.  I am 100% confident that I would have laughed even after experiencing what our reader did. 

And here I was thinking I'm original

I did a quick google search today and discovered that there are "Flypaper for Freaks" blogs and books and shirts and coffee mugs all over the place.  Most of the blogs are old or out-dated, no longer be kept up by their authors.  They aren't really about dating, either.  Whew!

BUT

The book is actually one of those self-published things, and I read one review that said it's not that great.  It is, however, about the perils of dating (after divorce).

I have two thoughts about this
1) Crap!  I'm not all that unique after all, and
2) See!  I told you I'm not the only one these things happen to.

Do you think it's a problem that others have used the name first?

Mama's boy

I received a response to the fourth ad from an email address belonging to

Man and Woman Last-Name

So I responded,

Hello ...
So quick question - am I writing to Man or Woman? 
Thanks!

Flypaper

His answer to that?

Woman is my mother.  I was using her computer last night.  I'm Son.

Really?!?  He used his mom and dad's email address to respond to a personals ad?

Since he sent the second message from the same email address, I commented back, asking if he's still using his mom's.  Because, really, even if he's using his mom's COMPUTER, does he really have to use her EMAIL?  I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually work that way.  In any case, he responded telling me that he is living with his parents for the next week or so before he gets his own place.  You see, he just broke up with his girlfriend of 15 years.  Two weeks ago.

I'm guessing he's maybe not ready to date yet.

It's been two months since my boyfriend of 7 months dumped me.  And I admit that maybe I'm not totally ready to think about actually dating someone again - this blog notwithstanding.  So maybe I shouldn't judge. 

But if he hasn't figured out that using his mom and dad's email address to respond to personals ads is a bad idea, then I'm pretty sure he's not ready for this side of the world yet.

So not interested.