I just want to say thank you - so many of you have either commented (okay, a few) or called or sent email (a whole lot) to say that you support and/or understand my decision to stop this project. I appreciate that. So thank you.
The truth is that even before I met the Two-Name guy, I was starting to feel a bit irritated by it all. He was the nasty icing on a very bitter cake, and he is a great excuse to stop now, but I'm not entirely sure he's the entire reason. No. It all started before him.
I am picky. And I am critical. And I don't always like people that much. Which is probably why so many friends have expressed shock at the fact that I could follow through with these dates and be nice to the men even after they have stuck their feet in their mouths over and over. And over again. But as you know, I can also follow the rules, and that often supersedes my own desire to just GET THE HELL OUT. And I could sit there with these men who were obnoxious or not-at-all-bright or irritating because I could listen to them while mentally composing the story I could tell about the experience.
But there's only so much a person can take of that. There's only so much I can take of that. That's part of the reason I slowed down a bit there for a while. And then I met Two-Name, and I had the perfect excuse to get out.
The truth is, though, that with the exception of "Joe," I haven't met anyone that I want to spend any more time with. Joe was a fluke. He was an exception. And while I didn't go into this whole thing expecting it to be anything other than an experiment and a way to refresh my pot o' stories (and boy did I ever do that!), I did hope that I might make a few new friends. And that seems to have been futile.
So where are all the people I could have met? Where are all the interesting friend types? I know, I know - they aren't on CL. I get it. But SURELY there could have been more than one? Surely it can't be all creeps hanging around out there, can it?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 2)
Okay - I get it. Someone is anxious for the second half of this story. So I'm going to share it. And then I'm going to take a hiatus. I started this project for something to do. I thought it would be interesting. I thought it might be fun. I thought I might learn something.
It has been interesting.
At times, it has been fun.
I have definitely learned some things.
But it has also been exhausting, burdensome, and a little bit scary.
And now it is more of those things than it is fun.
It is still interesting. And I am still learning things, but they are lessons I'd rather keep hidden under rocks in many cases.
So if it is not the good kind of interesting, if it is no longer fun, and if I am learning about the underbelly of things I'd rather not see, then I need to take a break. Perhaps I will come back to it someday. But for now, I just need to move away from unearthing the things that make me angry, sad, or worried.
In fact, I need to relearn the lesson that it is okay to like people. I need to relearn the lesson that not all people are freaky or crazy or scary. I need to relearn that there are some really fantastic people out there. Continuing this project is not helping me to do that.
And maybe this story will help to illustrate why. So without further ado,
We left off with this man whose name I don't even know - he signed his emails with one but introduced himself as another when we met. I asked which was accurate or which he preferred, and he said either. I suspect neither is his real name and that he was confused about which he had been using for our written communication.
Maybe he uses one for his "casual encounters" and one for his "women for men" responses? That's where we'd left him, right? He asked which type of ad I'd posted? Well, it turns out that he not only responds to ads in both sections, but he himself actually posts in both the no-strings attached "casual" section and the "men for women" section. When he posts for NSA meetings, he is typically looking for either a woman or a couple. He is typically looking to satisfy his oral fixation.
And did you know that people actually respond? Who knew?
With just a little bit of prompting from me (in the form of a question along the lines of "do you get responses?"), he launched into a description of one of the encounters he had. And now I'm going to share it with you. In all its glory, leaving no details out. It will likely make you sick. And you will likely understand why I need a break.
My date (let's call him Two-Name) received a response from Husband, asking if Two-Name could meet Husband and Wife for coffee one day soon. Wife would not know that the meeting was a set up - it would seem like a random encounter. Husband wanted Two-Name to have coffee with them, which would lead to him being invited to tag along wherever they were next headed. Husband would then expect that Two-Name would grope his wife and "try to get in her pants" while Husband watched. Two-Name agreed to meet them. He agreed to do this.
So they have coffee. And then they drive about 30 minutes south of the city in Husband and Wife's car (so, Two-Name is not so smart about personal safety, but that's a different issue). They get to their destination which I think (but am not sure) is the couple's house. Husband nods to Two-Name to indicate that he should start groping. Two-Name does. Wife resists, but Two-Name continues. Husband is watching and begins to touch himself. He also indicates to Two-Name that he should "try to get in her pants." Two-Name does. Wife asks Husband if he is going to stop this guy from touching her. Husband says, "No, Baby." And he tells Two-Name to continue. Two-Name overpowers Wife and has sex with her. Husband is watching. Husband is masturbating. Husband and Two-Name finish at about the same time.
Husband drives Two-Name back to the city while Wife stays behind. In the car, Husband pulls out an assault rifle and tells Two-Name that this will never happen again. It was a one-time thing. Two-Name agrees. And the one smart thing he does in all of it is refuse when Husband calls two weeks later to say that Wife now understands the whole thing was a set up and she's "totally into Two-Name now and wants to do it again."
So let's recap - I went out on a date with a man who agreed to rape another man's wife while the man got off on watching it happen. And the only thing that bothered him about it was that, in the end, the husband pulled a gun on him.
I cannot do it anymore.
It has been interesting.
At times, it has been fun.
I have definitely learned some things.
But it has also been exhausting, burdensome, and a little bit scary.
And now it is more of those things than it is fun.
It is still interesting. And I am still learning things, but they are lessons I'd rather keep hidden under rocks in many cases.
So if it is not the good kind of interesting, if it is no longer fun, and if I am learning about the underbelly of things I'd rather not see, then I need to take a break. Perhaps I will come back to it someday. But for now, I just need to move away from unearthing the things that make me angry, sad, or worried.
In fact, I need to relearn the lesson that it is okay to like people. I need to relearn the lesson that not all people are freaky or crazy or scary. I need to relearn that there are some really fantastic people out there. Continuing this project is not helping me to do that.
And maybe this story will help to illustrate why. So without further ado,
We left off with this man whose name I don't even know - he signed his emails with one but introduced himself as another when we met. I asked which was accurate or which he preferred, and he said either. I suspect neither is his real name and that he was confused about which he had been using for our written communication.
Maybe he uses one for his "casual encounters" and one for his "women for men" responses? That's where we'd left him, right? He asked which type of ad I'd posted? Well, it turns out that he not only responds to ads in both sections, but he himself actually posts in both the no-strings attached "casual" section and the "men for women" section. When he posts for NSA meetings, he is typically looking for either a woman or a couple. He is typically looking to satisfy his oral fixation.
And did you know that people actually respond? Who knew?
With just a little bit of prompting from me (in the form of a question along the lines of "do you get responses?"), he launched into a description of one of the encounters he had. And now I'm going to share it with you. In all its glory, leaving no details out. It will likely make you sick. And you will likely understand why I need a break.
My date (let's call him Two-Name) received a response from Husband, asking if Two-Name could meet Husband and Wife for coffee one day soon. Wife would not know that the meeting was a set up - it would seem like a random encounter. Husband wanted Two-Name to have coffee with them, which would lead to him being invited to tag along wherever they were next headed. Husband would then expect that Two-Name would grope his wife and "try to get in her pants" while Husband watched. Two-Name agreed to meet them. He agreed to do this.
So they have coffee. And then they drive about 30 minutes south of the city in Husband and Wife's car (so, Two-Name is not so smart about personal safety, but that's a different issue). They get to their destination which I think (but am not sure) is the couple's house. Husband nods to Two-Name to indicate that he should start groping. Two-Name does. Wife resists, but Two-Name continues. Husband is watching and begins to touch himself. He also indicates to Two-Name that he should "try to get in her pants." Two-Name does. Wife asks Husband if he is going to stop this guy from touching her. Husband says, "No, Baby." And he tells Two-Name to continue. Two-Name overpowers Wife and has sex with her. Husband is watching. Husband is masturbating. Husband and Two-Name finish at about the same time.
Husband drives Two-Name back to the city while Wife stays behind. In the car, Husband pulls out an assault rifle and tells Two-Name that this will never happen again. It was a one-time thing. Two-Name agrees. And the one smart thing he does in all of it is refuse when Husband calls two weeks later to say that Wife now understands the whole thing was a set up and she's "totally into Two-Name now and wants to do it again."
So let's recap - I went out on a date with a man who agreed to rape another man's wife while the man got off on watching it happen. And the only thing that bothered him about it was that, in the end, the husband pulled a gun on him.
I cannot do it anymore.
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