He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 1)

No.  He didn't.  I know that because I looked back over my shoulder ever 2-3 seconds just to make sure.  I kind of thought he might. 

Last night I had a date.  A date that is so full of freaky goodness that I don't know how I can possibly write about all if it in one post.  The post would be pages and pages long.  So it's going to have to come in parts.  Even now, as I rethink the date, I'm shaking my head and wondering if I should really continue on with this blog.  I'm all about entertaining myself (and you, of course) with this project.  But whoa.  Sometimes the brakes need to be applied.  Last night I was pretty sure this is the time for that.  This morning I'm a little less sure. 

I might need some pretty solid encouragement to soldier on, though.

First things first,
This guy (who needs a nickname ... I don't have one yet - any ideas?) responded to my totally and completely innocuous ad:

Hi I don't know if I'm in the right section but I have an oral fixation to pleasure women no questions asked, but I'm tired of looking for just that one thing and would like something more in the long term. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs, I work part time and currently looking for more work, I also volunteer at the food bank, how about you what do you do and what kind music are you into?

An oral fixation?  Eewww.  And, um, no!  You are NOT in the right section.  

But, you know the rules.  And you know me and following the rules.  I replied.

I'm pretty sure you aren't in the right section - or, maybe you are but it'd be best to not lead off with the whole oral fixation part.  That's especially true if you're looking for something more long term.  So, since you say you're looking for more than "just that one thing," tell me something about what you do want ... what do you hope to find here on CL?

And he responded with a nice email, thanking me for being honest with him.  And the email banter continued a bit.  He completely dropped the "I have an oral fixation" thing.  In fact, by the time he asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and a movie, I'd forgotten all about the fact that he was the one who'd said that to me.  

That was a mistake.  A big, big mistake.

Obviously.

And maybe I should have been clued into that when, right after I agreed to meet him, he sent me photos of himself, including one of his bare torso which made it look like he was maybe fully naked.  He also reminded me that he wasn't trying to "get into my pants."  But since we had gotten to a pretty clear "we're just going out to see if friendship might be a good route for us" point and since he didn't send me the penis shot (I hate when they do that), I figured it was just his stock of photos.  And I didn't mind too much.

So we meet up.  The plan is to have a cup of coffee and then head across the street to the discount theatre to see Shutter Island. Neither of us had seen it yet.  I've seen the previews and thought it would be creepy scary.  I'm a little unsure if seeing a movie like that with a first date is a good idea, but I'm open.  This whole project is about being open.

He's on time.  

He's acting a little nervous, but I've learned that is to be expected.  Just because I can generally meet new people without feeling anxious doesn't mean everyone can.  And it certainly seems to be the case that CL responders are of the more nervous variety.  It makes sense - for most of them, they are using this method because they are uncomfortable in social situations.

Still, he seems especially nervous.

He takes AGES to answer a question.  And he seems to think and think and think before doing so.  I know that's a good thing sometimes.  But in this case?  It just seemed like he was trying to fabricate a truth.  For example, "where did you grow up?" garnered a

Shifty eyes.  Several ums.  A few deep breaths.  And the name of a city not stated but given in a lilting question.  

Uh huh.  I believe you're from there.  Yep.  I sure do...  Wink wink. 

In any case, he jumped right into the conversation.  Perhaps a little too far too quickly.  He skipped over all of the niceties and went straight for the "how often do you meet people this way" and "tell me about the weirdest ones."

I'm game for letting these meetings go where the guy wants (within reason, of course) because I figure it gives me much better fodder.  Also, on a more practical dating level, it tells me something about what's important to them without them having to voice it.  In fact, for that reason, I've started to believe that letting a first date go wherever the man takes it is a good tool in general dating.

So I told him about the bald guy.  I didn't tell the whole story, but I offered up the juicy bits.  And he acted appropriately horrified.  So while I knew I wasn't at all -even remotely- attracted to this guy, and while I was finding that I needed to be really patient with his speaking style, I was beginning to think that he might be a nice enough guy to consider as a new friend.  Maybe.  The thought flitted across my mind.

And then he started to tell me about his "weird" dating stories.  But the problem is that in each case, the freaky party was him.  And he knew it!  So I revised my friend theory ... realizing that this guy is a little slow on the uptake all the way around, and I don't have the patience to build a new friendship with someone like that.

Still, we continue on with the date.  

He asks me if the ad he responded to was in the "Casual Encounters" section or the "Women for Men" section.

Excuse me?!?

Oh no!  

First of all - people actually respond to the sex ads?  I mean, real people actually post there and real people actually respond and real people actually meet?!?!  

Second - how on earth could you possibly think it's a good idea to meet up with someone and NOT REMEMBER IF YOU MET THEM IN THE CASUAL ENCOUNTERS SECTION OR THE WOMEN FOR MEN SECTION??

That's a serious question.

And my blood pressure has just gone up thinking about it.  I need a break.  I'll be back later with the rest of the story.

Two updates

First, I've received a whole lot of responses to my last ad.  Too many - it's hard to keep up.  But I'm trying.  And ... I've been talking on the phone to someone I think I might kind of like.

Second, I have a date tonight.  I'll write about it tomorrow.  Promise.

Three times is NOT the charm

Anyone recognize this?
Uh huh.

..........Actually quality guy looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me xxx xxx xxxx.

Uh huh.  It's what you think it is. 

I was finally able to get the next ad up (several responses already - including some guys who want to meet right away!).  And guess who responded?  My friend "Daddy."  This makes the third response from him.  The third response that is exactly the same.

I think I'll respond again.  See what he has to say for himself.

I'll let you know.

Reader Response - Aren't strangers fun?

Okay, look.  I KNOW I've been slacking with this lately.  I have some valid excuses (out of town for the past two weekends, busy in the evenings, not willing to blog while at work even though some of my days have been pretty light lately).  You probably don't like any of those excuses.  I kind of want to say "tough."

But I won't.

Instead, I'll tell you that I am absolutely, incredibly, more-than-super frustrated.  I have tried THREE times - yes, THREE - to post an ad to CL in the last two weeks.  Guess how many of those times the ad has actually posted?  Go on.  Guess.

Bet you can't.

So I'll tell you.  ZERO.  Ever since CL has started making you log in to post an ad, NONE of my ads will post.  I'll keep trying.  But I'm running low on experiences.  And if I can't get an ad posted, I'm not going to have anything to write about. 

In the meantime, here's a story from a reader.  Enjoy :)

So I am a member of a well known dating site and was contacted by this guy who lives some 3 hours away. He offers to take me fishing rather than the bog standard 'wine and dine.' Thats ok with me, I *like* the fact he got to know me well enough to offer that alternative. Then he invites me to go stay,and says he will follow the ground rules of no sex, separate beds. Except, he will pay for the bus ticket and pick me up from the closest bus stop to his little country town - an hour away. Uh no thanks. I'll drive myself, in my car. (allowing for a 'quick' getaway). I keep talking with this guy, even though I'm a bit wary. Then he asks how I'd feel if he WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS SHOWERING! I'm all 'cool' and say its just a naked body, while thinking that this is about the third reference to walking in on someone in the shower. Once as an accident I can believe. Bringing it up 'in case'??? freaky. But thats not all. A couple of days later, he asks what I'd do/would I think it creepy if he WATCHED ME SLEEP??? Super freaky. Now ok, I don't like closed doors, but come on, asking what I'd do if you (a guy, and a complete stranger at that) did these things, well before I am thinking of visiting..well..lets just say that his chances of getting a visitor he wanted to 'get to know' are rapidly declining.

Tread carefully

Just tread carefully.  That's all I'm saying.

Two replies into an email correspondence with one guy had him asking what kind of date with me would be totally unique.  I admit that I danced around the question a bit.  I can be creative sometimes, but mostly in a totally controlled environment. 

If someone I know well had asked me that question, I could have offered a wide variety of options. Every one of them, though, makes me very uncomfortable to think of doing with one of these CL men.  For example, the last unique "date" I went on (with my ex-boyfriend shortly after he'd become an ex -- is that still a date?) involved a drive (1 hour and 20 minutes), a hike (1.5 miles), and a soak in a natural hot spring (clothing optional).

Fun date.  We had a great time. 

Even though it was freezing cold.  Literally.  The ground was frozen solid, and the earlier rain had turned turned to slush when it hit the trails.

Even though I slipped and fell face-first on the way back down.  Even though I was then covered chest-to-toe in very cold mud for the final half of the hike AND all the way back to his place. 

We had a great time.  And it was unique.


Even with all of that, I would never suggest such a thing to someone I've just met.  I'm just a little too afraid that they might say, "Hey - that sounds like fun!  Let's try it."

I don't want to try it with them.  The drive alone would terrify me.  An hour and a half (give or take) in a car with a stranger, heading further and further out of civilization?  No thanks!  Then the hike?  Even with other people on the trail, it's still the big-bad-woods.  Hiking is cool.  I enjoy it.  I like being out in the middle of the forest.  But not with someone I don't know.  And a hot springs soak?  At a clothing optional place?  Even if I'm donning a bathing suit, I don't want to be around a bunch of nudies with a man I've just met.  Too many ideas could be floating around his noggin.  Way too may ideas for my comfort.

Safety first.  Safety first says DO NOT ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT IF YOU THINK HE MIGHT SUGGEST DOING WHATEVER YOU'VE MENTIONED IN YOUR RESPONSE.

So I totally and completely danced around the question.  Instead, I said something along the lines of trying something new, doing something that might make you look like a fool but it's okay because everyone involved knows it's the first time you've done it.

Dumb.  I know.  I get it.  But I was thinking about my safety.

I do, however, know how to play the game.  So I said, "what about you?"

And, well, here's where I think these men ought to tread lightly:

So an unique date huh? What would be something unique for you and I then? Are you a massage person? Would that stretch you? Or would that be a boundary issue... Just throwing ideas out.

Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  That is MOST DEFINITELY a boundary issue.  We have never met.  Never.  Ever.  We don't know each other.  Yes, it would stretch me to consider having a date with you in which we are massaging each other. 

Sigh.

Slow...

I know!  I'm a slacker!  I know it ... a couple of weeks ago I wrote several posts and scheduled them to come out each day, and it lulled me into a sense of security.  It gave me a break from having to write daily. 

Oops!

What a mistake that was.  Now I'm behind.  Sigh.

I've got a couple of first meets, some oldies-but-goodies, and even a few reader stories bungling around.  I just need to find a free moment to sit down and write them out.  They're coming.  I promise.

Please be patient with me.  I'll try to make it worth your wait.

Reader story - Nice photo!

Honestly?  I like reader stories.  I mean, I really like them.  I think it's because they make me feel less alone.  They allow me to say,

See?  I'm not the only one!

And I appreciate that.

So, this reader was using an online dating site, one which requires the "members" to post a photo in their bio section.  Our reader was diligent and chose a photo she really liked, one that offers a fair and accurate representation of her.  The photo seemed to be doing its job, as our reader received a number of winks/smiles/nods/whatever-is-de-rigueur-for-the-site.

One day she received a message from one of the male members.  A male member from whom she'd received absolutely no wink or nod before.  A male member to whom she'd sent no wink or nod.  This was a new "hello" in the form of a full-blown message.  With an attachment.  Of her own photo:

I hope you don't mind.  I took the liberty of lightening up your photo so I could see it better.  I think you're beautiful.  In fact, I am now using the improved photo as the background image on my desktop.  Do you think that's creepy?

YES!  It's creepy.  Of course it's creepy!  And you know it.  If you didn't, you wouldn't ask.  Still, why?  Really.  I want to know.  WHY?  You've never met this woman.  You first manipulate her picture to look as you want it to.  Then you put it on your computer for daily consumption?  Then you tell her about it?  And you don't know her?  I think you might be someone who should frighten us all.  

Ad #5

I admit it.  This ad's not my best work.  I posted this one when I was feeling a little irritated.  I was tired.  I was annoyed.  I wasn't thrilled.  And I think it shows.  I know that.


And guess what?  There wasn't much in the way of responses.


Lesson learned.

----------------
Is there a right way? - 33

I've posted a few ads - even been lucky in love once through CL - but lately it's seemed like a whole lot of responses, a bit of email back-and-forth, and then nothing. I think it's at least partially because I grow weary of the typical "who are you" and "what do you do" questions, so I don't always write back as soon as the men would like. Also, despite the fact that it's 8:05 on a Saturday night and it might not seem like it, I'm a busy woman. Thus, I can't always respond immediately, but I always try to get back withing 24 hours.

In any case, it seems to me that perhaps there's a better way than the typical. So let's try this -
I'm a 30-something woman, single with no kids. I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for here, but I know what I'm not seeking - I'm not looking for casual sex or friends-with-benefits; I'm not looking for drug users, heavy drinkers, or smokers. I'm not looking for someone who wants to email back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and never get to a face-to-face meeting. I'm not looking for a face-to-face meeting that would be much more than catching up to have a hot drink or a dish of ice cream at a local cafe. Call me an ageist if you will, but I'm not looking for someone old enough to be my father (and you know who you are - if you were having sex at 15, then by mid- to late-forties, you're old enough to be my dad; if you abstained until college, well, you just bought yourself some time. Either way, you get the idea.) I'm not looking for someone who's going to judge the fact that I've got a few more than a few extra pounds and, try as I might, they're stubbornly with me.

Long list of not-wants, I know. Like I said, I'm trying something different. More different - if you're maybe what I DO want, send me a message telling me something you wish people knew about you but never seem to take the time to learn. Then, ask me a question you'd like me to answer (I promise I will respond to everyone at least once - I'm open to meeting new, interesting people who think they might be a good match for me). Bonus points if your question makes me think!

I'm legal

I'm not sure if this story really qualifies as freaky because the male role is played by a teenager.  Aren't all teenage boys a little bit freaky?  I'm thinking this boy might qualify as a freak-in-training, so I'm going with it.

About a decade ago I was teaching high school.  I was 22 and teaching girls and boys just a few years younger than me.  I always lied about how old I was, and many of the kids believed me.  Some of them, though, were much savvier and knew that I'd just barely graduated from college and wasn't really too much their elder.

One of them was a boy we'll call Jimmy.  I'm going to be perfectly honest with you because I think that's only fair, but I'll only do that if you promise not to hold it against me.  If I had seen Jimmy outside of my classroom - like, say, in a club or something - I would never have known he was still a high school student.  He looked at least 22.  And if I'd seen him from across the club and thought he was 22 or older, I would have thought he was hot.

Jimmy was a good looking guy, definitely the kind of guy I would have been attracted to if I'd met him in a different context.  Well.  The kind of guy I would have been attracted to until he opened his mouth and I realized he was a teenager and in a completely different life stage than me.

Go ahead.  Make your Mary Kay Letourneau jokes.  Get them out of your system.  And then go back and read the last sentence of that previous paragraph.  Go on.  Let me help you interpret: Jimmy was a good looking kid who would have been attractive to me if he hadn't been in my class or a teenage boy.

Now that you've got the idea, picture this:
It's December, so we're about halfway through the year.  It's Jimmy's birthday.  He's 18.  

Jimmy walks into my classroom at lunch and hands me a slice of birthday cake.  My classroom was usually full of kids at lunch, so this is an unusual day, in the sense that Jimmy's the only student hanging out there. 

He starts talking to me.  He reminds me it's his birthday (as if that piece of cake hadn't been a good enough clue).  He tells me that he broke up with his girlfriend a couple days before.  They were both in my fifth period class, so I'd already suspected that - they'd been acting awfully strange around each other all week.  He talks and talks about nothing in particular.  Then,

Ms. Flypaper, it's my birthday today.

I know, Jimmy.  Happy Birthday!

Ms. Flypaper, I'm legal today.

Uh-oh.  Legal?  Does he mean what I think he means?  Nah.  He couldn't possibly.

Oh?  Yeah, Jimmy, you can vote now.  Be sure to do that - it's your civic duty.

No, Ms. Flypaper.  I'm legal.

Right.  I know.  You have to register for selective service.  It's the law, so do it soon.

Ms. Flypaper.  I'm LEGAL.

Oh crap!  He definitely means what I think he means.  I'm wracking my brain to figure out what else is legal when you turn 18.  And I can only think of one.

Jimmy, you know that smoking is bad for your health.  I hope you don't take up that nasty habit.

I've got nothing else.  If he says it one more time, I'm in BIG trouble.  I have no idea what I'm going to say.  I'm nervous and anxious.  I don't want to have this conversation.  I don't want to have to tell Jimmy that he's being inappropriate.  I want him to just figure it out for himself.  Call me passive-aggressive if you want.  I don't care.  I just don't want Jimmy to tell me he's legal again.  Please please don't tell me that, Jimmy.  Please?

(Clearly exasperated and with a deep sigh) Fine.  I'm going to celebrate my birthday with my friends.

Dodged a bullet.  SO dodged a bullet.
But Jimmy started skipping class a lot in the second semester.
I still feel like I failed him because of that.

Elsewhere on the internet

Oh my goodness! 

I've been following the Date Wrecks blog lately.  Perhaps not surprisingly, my favorite section is the "Craigslist Crazies."  Today's crazy post is a complete nightmare.  I can't decide if I totally believe in its authenticity, but given what I know is out there -- I'm thinking it's entirely possible that this post is real. 

Check it out.  And then gag just a little bit. 

Ick.

Catholic guilt rears its head

But not for the reason you might think.

Nope - I'm not questioning this whole project.  Instead, guilt has been rearing its ugly head because my sister commented that I've been "mean to Joe in the blog."  And that was only a couple days after Joe himself told me that I'd missed some of what he'd said. 

So, I just want to say for the record - I'm sorry.  I really do like Joe.  I care about him quite a bit.  We still spend time together.  I do not have ill feelings toward him.  I do not intend to be mean to him.  I also do not intend to misrepresent him or his words.  (At the risk of doing so now, though, let me be clear - he did say that as it's my blog I can write whatever I like.  He's not offended.  He understands the creative license that goes into paraphrasing a half hour conversation into a short-ish blog post.  He has, more-or-less, given his blessing for me to write anything I'd like about him.  And he says that not only will he not mind, he'll still like me.  So I have to ask - what's not to love?)

Guilt is a funny thing.  I'm convinced that my relationship with guilt has a whole lot to do with those years and years of Catholic school.  Thus, despite the fact that he doesn't have a problem with it, my sister's admonition that I've been mean to Joe compels me to issue a public apology.

I'm sorry, Joe, if anything I've written about you on this blog has been mean. 
I think you're a good person..

I'm grateful to have met you.

I'm glad you're in my life.

Even if the realities of how you're in my life have changed.

They're everywhere - even right on my corner

This isn't a dating story.  But it IS a freak story.  And it is an example of how I attract them.  I hope you'll indulge me as I tell it.

Tonight - not more than an hour and a half ago, I was returning home from a CL date (more on that later ... this overeager guy whose feelings I'm probably about to hurt deserves more than just a mere passing mention, but I promise I'll give you an update soon). 

As I walk up to the corner upon which my house sits, I hear two men talking loudly.  This is not unusual, as I live in a pretty busy neighborhood, and people often congregate on my corner.  These two men are talking loudly and appear to be having a heated conversation but not one that could be characterized as an argument. 

One notices me, turns away from his friend, and begins to talk in a softer voice.  He introduces himself to me, tells me his name is Luciano.  He's standing near a utility pole, and he moves so that he's facing it but continues to talk to me.  I hear his friend say, "Awww, man!" before he warns me to "watch out."

Luciano is unzipping his pants, pulling out his penis, and beginning to urinate on the pole.  All the while, he is TALKING TO ME.

I quickly run up my steps and unlock my door.  Still, I hear the constant stream of urination.  Ugh.

I live here!  And you just peed on my corner.  Not only that, you talked to me while you did it.  Why?  Why?  I just want to know why.

Hostile much?

I was looking through some old emails.  Old as in from last summer when this all began.  It was part spring-cleaning and part-check-to-make-sure-I-haven't-missed-anything.

Would you believe that I missed some things?

I did.

I found this string of messages between me and a guy who gave just his initials.  It was after my first-ever post on CL, so I was still new to the game.  I hadn't yet learned all the subtleties.  Ha!  Who am I kidding?  I'm still learning the nuances of this whole online personals thing.  But then?  Well, way back then I didn't have a full-blown CL relationship under my belt.  So I was most definitely not an expert.

Here is the joy that I experienced/participated in:

a k to Flypaper

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
are you real?
Proof that you real.
Most ad here posted by man from Nigeria Africa.
e-mail front and back. But i am leaning too.
If in 3 emails no plan to see each other that is waste of time for me.

---

this message was remailed to you via: xxxx2@craigslist.org

---

Adrienne

Are you real? I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and...

7/5/09

AdrienneLoading...

7/5/09

Flypaper to a k

Are you real?  I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and it's fair of you to ask for proof.  Though, without knowing what would be valid proof for you, I'm not sure I can offer it.  I'm also not sure what you mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 

If it must lead to meeting within three e-mails without this being a waste of time, then it seems to me those e-mails ought to have some substance.  Do you agree?  If so, then let's count your next e-mail as the first - something to let me know that you saw something in my ad that interests you.

Until then, take care -
Flypaper

a k to Flypaper

do you like mear of this city and what do you think about it?

I think it is in English -mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 
It is when 3 mail sent and no physical see person - waste time.
Do you speak English?
Nigiran speak British language. I forget.

Today after 5 show up on east site any bid shopping place or take your business away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flypaper to a k

I'm guessing you're not real.  Care to prove me wrong?

a k to Flypaper

Go find job on oil field you in Nigiria Africa
This is end!


See how nice I was?  I was trying so hard to be a good sport.  I gave it my best effort.  I really did.  This was before I realized that I can fudge the rules a bit.  I couldn't even really understand what he wanted from me.  Part of that is the English problem (who knew that if I just spoke British English, I wouldn't have such problems understanding poor grammar and spelling?); part of it is the all-over-the-place nature of his message.

Can I be honest, though?  I was really, really glad that he ended it all.  Even if he was a little hostile.  Even if he wasn't real.  I was glad to know that it would be just fine for me to go find myself a job in the oil fields of Nigeria.

 

Not safe for my eyes - or yours, probably

Really?!?

Do they really have to send me naked photos?  I just want to have an opportunity to meet a nice guy.

Okay, okay - a little honesty is in order, I know.  So let me try again, I just want to have an opportunity to get some good stories out of this whole project.  But that does not (let me repeat, that DOES NOT) mean I want to see your nakedness splashed all over my inbox.  I can't wash my eyes of the image.  If you want me to see your nakedness, you've got two options (only one of which might actually be legitimate) -

1) Get to know me.  Date me.  Seduce me.  You know ... all the normal ways that people might "get" to see your nakedness.
2) Pull a BPB.  It's bold, a little bit "eeewwww!"-inducing, but also semi-creative.  If nothing else, it requires you to have some gumption and to put yourself out there, ready for rejection in a face-to-face kind of way.

WARNING: Don't click on the link if you don't want to see it!

But please, please whatever you do, don't send me photos.  Even if you also send me a message asking if I want to start a friendship with NSA.  I don't care.  I don't want your NSA friendship, and I sure don't want to see your penis.  Not in my inbox.  Ick.

I apologize to anyone whose eyes are burning as badly as mine did.  But I did warn you about the link.  I almost didn't put it there.  I did only because I feel the need to offer proof.  You can thank me later for not simply posting it for all the world to see.

**Note: I doctored up the photo to protect the innocents' eyes.  Please know that I was absolutely, totally, 100% visually assaulted with a view of the real thing.  No sketchy peach-colored box covering the goods.**

These can't be real

It's Saturday, so I'm taking a break from stories - mine or others.  Perhaps I'll write a new ad today.  Maybe I'll work on making a couple of dates with the hangers-on that are still out there.  I'm not sure. 

In the meantime, enjoy this little number, okay?



I know this woman says the ad is what she posted, and these men are who she heard from. But that can't possibly be true. These men look NOTHING like the men that respond to my ads. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me!