Reader Response - Aren't strangers fun?

Okay, look.  I KNOW I've been slacking with this lately.  I have some valid excuses (out of town for the past two weekends, busy in the evenings, not willing to blog while at work even though some of my days have been pretty light lately).  You probably don't like any of those excuses.  I kind of want to say "tough."

But I won't.

Instead, I'll tell you that I am absolutely, incredibly, more-than-super frustrated.  I have tried THREE times - yes, THREE - to post an ad to CL in the last two weeks.  Guess how many of those times the ad has actually posted?  Go on.  Guess.

Bet you can't.

So I'll tell you.  ZERO.  Ever since CL has started making you log in to post an ad, NONE of my ads will post.  I'll keep trying.  But I'm running low on experiences.  And if I can't get an ad posted, I'm not going to have anything to write about. 

In the meantime, here's a story from a reader.  Enjoy :)

So I am a member of a well known dating site and was contacted by this guy who lives some 3 hours away. He offers to take me fishing rather than the bog standard 'wine and dine.' Thats ok with me, I *like* the fact he got to know me well enough to offer that alternative. Then he invites me to go stay,and says he will follow the ground rules of no sex, separate beds. Except, he will pay for the bus ticket and pick me up from the closest bus stop to his little country town - an hour away. Uh no thanks. I'll drive myself, in my car. (allowing for a 'quick' getaway). I keep talking with this guy, even though I'm a bit wary. Then he asks how I'd feel if he WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS SHOWERING! I'm all 'cool' and say its just a naked body, while thinking that this is about the third reference to walking in on someone in the shower. Once as an accident I can believe. Bringing it up 'in case'??? freaky. But thats not all. A couple of days later, he asks what I'd do/would I think it creepy if he WATCHED ME SLEEP??? Super freaky. Now ok, I don't like closed doors, but come on, asking what I'd do if you (a guy, and a complete stranger at that) did these things, well before I am thinking of visiting..well..lets just say that his chances of getting a visitor he wanted to 'get to know' are rapidly declining.

Reader story - Nice photo!

Honestly?  I like reader stories.  I mean, I really like them.  I think it's because they make me feel less alone.  They allow me to say,

See?  I'm not the only one!

And I appreciate that.

So, this reader was using an online dating site, one which requires the "members" to post a photo in their bio section.  Our reader was diligent and chose a photo she really liked, one that offers a fair and accurate representation of her.  The photo seemed to be doing its job, as our reader received a number of winks/smiles/nods/whatever-is-de-rigueur-for-the-site.

One day she received a message from one of the male members.  A male member from whom she'd received absolutely no wink or nod before.  A male member to whom she'd sent no wink or nod.  This was a new "hello" in the form of a full-blown message.  With an attachment.  Of her own photo:

I hope you don't mind.  I took the liberty of lightening up your photo so I could see it better.  I think you're beautiful.  In fact, I am now using the improved photo as the background image on my desktop.  Do you think that's creepy?

YES!  It's creepy.  Of course it's creepy!  And you know it.  If you didn't, you wouldn't ask.  Still, why?  Really.  I want to know.  WHY?  You've never met this woman.  You first manipulate her picture to look as you want it to.  Then you put it on your computer for daily consumption?  Then you tell her about it?  And you don't know her?  I think you might be someone who should frighten us all.  

Reader Response

I really do enjoy hearing from you all.  Comments on posts are good, but sometimes I hear via Facebook or e-mail.  The following came from a new (and soon-to-be loyal, I hope) reader:

Now, I'll grant that this reader just happens to be a bald man.  So, I'm not surprised he picked up on my "Unsolicited Tip #2" of dating.

And, gosh!  I sure hope I can keep up with the demand so that no one has to stop reading any time soon.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

Reader Response - It's the shoes UPDATE

Well, wouldn't you know it - I've just been Google chatting with Marco.

Rest assured, he thinks his story was accurately portrayed.  But he also told me that he was thinking perhaps he should have shared some of the theories about why his date left those dang shoes on.

And he had me cracking up.  How can I not share with you?

In fact, let's all make a list - I'll start with Marco's own thoughts (or the thoughts he and his friends have compiled over the years), and then you all add to the list in the comments section.  Good plan?  Yeah, I think so too.

Without further ado,

Plausible explanations for someone not removing their shoes during sex:

1. Athlete's foot
2. Toenail fungus
3. No toes
4. Webbed feet (which, Marco says, is the preferred theory)

So have at it - let's get that list going!  I can't wait to hear what you come up with.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

Reader Story - It's the shoes

You all voted last week, and you've led me to believe that sometimes you'd like to hear each others' stories.  Who am I to deny you the opportunity to learn about freaks who plague more than just poor little old me?  No one, that's who.

And wouldn't you know it?  I've just received a new reader story that I can't help but share.  Just.  As in just yesterday.  It's THAT good.


So, to set the stage:
Our reader-friend was a college senior.  He was interested in dating but hadn't found what he was looking for (maybe partly because he was into slightly older men) on his campus.  Off to the internet he went.  It wasn't CL, but some other service that offered him a wider array of options.  On the night of our story, our reader (let's call him Marco for the sake of ease) was meeting up for the first time with a man from one of these online sites.

They met downtown for dinner and drinks.  Marco's date arrived straight from work, wearing a suit and seeming to be all of his 30-something years.  Eating, drinking, and maybe a little flirting ensued.  After several hours, dark was setting in.  The two were enjoying each others' company, and they wanted to spend more time together.  So how could they not take a cab back to campus?

Marco shared a college apartment with a few friends, all of whom were asleep when he and his date arrived.  And none of whom he wanted to have to explain this visit to ... at least not until his visitor was long gone.  So after spending several minutes chatting, flirting, and generally carousing in the common living area, Marco got bold.  He invited his date (whose name has long since been forgotten) to join him in his bedroom. 

You're not dumb.  You know that one thing led to another.  Marco and his date were having a grand old time, enjoying each others' company in that bedroom.  Clothes came off.  More fun was had.  Until suddenly, Marco noticed something strange.

His date was naked.  Marco was naked.  But his date's feet were not naked.  Now, you may know some men who like to keep their socks on during sex.  I've heard about this from a number of people, men and women both.  You might think it strange that some men prefer to wear socks in bed.  I say socks are nothing!

Because this guy's feet weren't not naked because he was wearing socks.

No.  The date's feet were not naked because he was still wearing his shoes.

His shoes.  The guy was there, enjoying Marco's company, totally naked save his shoes.  He was wearing his shoes while in the midst of sex.  He'd slipped his suit pants over his shoes.  (Side note: you might be like me and wonder how that's possible.  But if you were like me and asked Marco that, you'd get the same shoulder shrug I did - Marco marvels at that to this day as well.)

Marco asked about the shoes.  And he was told, in no uncertain terms,

I don't take my shoes off in beds that aren't my own.

Is that right?  You can take all of your other clothes off, but not your shoes?  Really?  

Really.

He left Marco's apartment not long after that.  And he's never been heard from again.

Don't forget, you can share your own story or general comments.   I'd love to hear them!

Reader Response

After reading Prince of Pleats, a reader made a point of finding me to say,

All I wanted after reading that was to apologize for my people.

So let me just say - apology accepted.  I won't hold any other Saudi princes accountable for the poor judgment of Ahmad.  I promise.  (And I won't hold the Saudi oil kings accountable, either!)

Okay, okay.  Apology accepted.  Though I'm not sure it's your responsibility to speak on behalf of an entire nation.  Still.  Thanks.  Much appreciated. 

Reader Response

Sorry to disappoint.  I'm trying - really, really trying - to get a new post up every single day.  Okay, every single weekday.  And one on the weekends.  I'm trying.  But rest assured that if there isn't a new post it's because I'm frantically responding to all the emails or trying to write a new ad. 

Reader Story - Coitus Interruptus

This isn't my story.  I promise not to do this very often (unless you like the concept?), but this one's just too good to not share.  Of course, since it's not my story, I can't promise that I'll get all the details right.  Still, I think I'm capturing the essence.

To set the scene:
Our reader has been using an online personals program specific to her city.  Not Craigslist* but still a free service.  She's been out with a few guys, but nothing's really sparked for her.  No freaks to speak of (which, let's be clear, is good for her.  I'm the one who thinks meeting freaks is funny.  She's actually trying to find someone she can love.)

Then, finally our reader meets a guy she's really into.  They go out once and have a blast.  Their second date is amazing.  The third and fourth follow suit.  So by the fifth date, she's excited and thinking this might be going somewhere.  She's ready.  You know - ready.  She packs a few things before heading out for dinner, knowing that she won't be sleeping at home that night.

And she's not disappointed.  They go out, have dinner and a few drinks.  When it starts getting to be pretty late, he invites her back to his place.  She's eager and prepared, so of course she accepts.  And they promptly hit the sack.  This has, after all, been in the making for several really fantastic dates, and she's pretty sure they've both been thinking about it since the moment they met.  She can hardly believe she's waited this long. 

There they are, going at it "hot and heavy" as my mom would say.  Suddenly, mid-coitus, he stops.  He says he's not sure they should be doing this.  She allays his fears and they start up again.  For a couple of minutes.  He stops again.  He pulls out.  He turns away from her and curls up into the fetal position.  And he says, "this isn't right.  I can't do this."

She's stumped.  She tries to talk to him.  He curls further and further into a ball.

It clicks for her.  She knows exactly what's happening.  She was abused, so she's recognizing the signs.  She likes this guy, and she wants to continue spending time with him.  She wants that time to include sex.  And she thinks that maybe they could get back to it if only he'd open up with her.  The best way to get someone to open up about something?  Share your own story.  So she does.  She discloses her abused past to him.

And he starts to talk.

He was never abused.  Nope.  Not him.  But a friend of his was. 

(Side note: I've never experienced abuse, and I'm not a psychologist, so I don't have a totally clear sense of how the whole healing process works.  But this smacks a little of adolescent behavior.  You know, the kind of thing where one might say, "I have a friend who really likes this guy but doesn't know how to talk to him..."  Am I wrong?)

In fact, he walked in on his friend being abused.  And he was so angry about it that he "beat the crap" out of the guy doing the abusing.  Beat him to a bloody pulp.  The guy couldn't walk for days.  He saved his friend.

Riiiiight.

As he tells the story, his volume increases 10-fold.  It's the middle of the night; they're in an apartment with relatively thin walls, lying in bed naked.  He's screaming.  Spewing venom.  He's thrashing around. Surely everyone in the building can hear him.  It's scary.

As our reader says, "he wasn't the one abused?"

She's beginning to think that she should just gather her things and go home.  But it's late.  And she's still feeling the effects of drinking.  (PSA: Good for you, not wanting to drive drunk!)  She's relatively new to town and doesn't have any friends she can call on to come get her.  So when he settles down some, she decides that staying won't be so bad.

They start talking again.  Laughing.  Joking.  Watching YouTube videos.**  Laughing.  It's a little eerie how quickly he's back to being the guy she thought she was getting to know.  They're having a good time.  He turns to her and says, "Do you want to try again?"

Ummm... 
No.  NO.  NO.  She did not. 
Thank you very much.

And, as far as I know, she drove herself home the next morning and hasn't seen or heard from him since.


* Nope, not in Little Rock, either.  But I still think you should check out their ads.
** I don't know what videos they were watching, but this is the one that makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it.  I am 100% confident that I would have laughed even after experiencing what our reader did. 

Reader Response

We have a potential answer ... it appears that if I want to know about things like "360," I need to be reading more Cosmo or something. 

What do you think?  Is this the 360 to which Tim referred?  Or are there other suggestions out there?

Reader response

Oh, but it did! It really did happen. I swear! And I used to think that these kinds of things happen to everyone. I am now realizing that they don't.

For your sake, I'm sorry I left Chester in the Dave & Buster's parking lot, never to be heard from again.

For my sake, I'm glad I ended my fling with what was sure to be disaster. I'm pretty sure I can answer one of your questions, though - Chester and his brother almost certainly never shared boyfriends. In fact, I probably should have known it was never going to go anywhere when Chester and I went to see a movie. In a very crowded theater. And the only two seats together would put us smack-dab between two men. Chester wouldn't sit there. He refused to be that close to another man. He didn't want anyone to think he was gay. Really?!? In a crowded movie theater? Sitting next to a stranger? That makes people think you're gay? And who cares if they think that? And who cares if you are? Well... I guess I cared, since we were trying to date each other. But really!?!

When he made us sit apart from each other so that he didn't have to sit next to a man, I knew it wasn't going anywhere. But I stuck with it for one more date. And aren't you glad I did?