You're funny - want to buy my art?

So remember last night, when I was lamenting the fact that ad #4 had gotten me nowhere?  No freaks.  No interest.  No nothing?

I'm not saying that wasn't true, but I am willing to say that maybe I was a little, eensy-teensy bit, hasty.  While it is the case that almost none of the men who responded to my ad followed suit after I replied, it's not as if their original missives were without "merit." 

For example, I received the following message

Hello,

Your post was entertaining. A few parts even made me laugh. Figured I would just start a random conversation and see where things go. Starting random conversations online isn't a simple task. It's a bit hard to read people or see the person they are. But I'll put some effort into it. Since you seem like a character with some depth. 

So my name is Raphael and I have a jewelry business. I don't work with diamonds or gems. It's a kind of glass art. I hand craft all of my pendants and sell them locally at the market. Ever been there? I found out that most of the people who do visit aren't locals. I love selling my jewelry there. It's refreshing.

Anyways short intro. Maybe I'll hear from you. Or if you wanted to know more about me. You can visit my myspace page at raphaelsmyspacepage.

Cheers, Raphael

Not so bad, right?  I know, I know.  Except that he also included photos of his jewelry (including one of him wearing the jewelry). 

With captions asking if I'd maybe like to buy some.

And, of course, when someone invites me to their MySpace or Facebook page, I go.  I'm not stupid.  I know that's a good place to check out the goods.  (And let's be honest - if they give me their first and last name, I'm usually headed off to find their sites even if they don't explicitly invite me to do so.)  At first, I was irritated because Raphael's page appeared to be one big advertisement for his jewelry.  I'm not saying that he shouldn't advertise - and more power to him for getting out and following his dream.  "Way to go, Raphael," I say.  

But

Then I started browsing around in his photos.  It wasn't hard.  They're right there.  He hasn't hidden them from public view.  You'll never guess what I saw!  

Picture after picture after picture of this guy kissing women.  Different women.  All different women.

Fine.  Go ahead.  Kiss away!  But, um, you were responding to a personals ad!  Don't send me off to see photos of you smooching the whole city!

So let's recap:

When you respond to a personals ad (yes, even on CL),

1) Don't use your response as a way to advertise your wares.  At least, not your professional wares.

2) Don't send the woman you're trying to meet off to a site where she'll see loads of pictures of you making out with other women.  

Not cool.

And, well, you know me.  Not cool = not interested.

(But of course I responded, since the rules tell me to.  He never replied...)

Ad #4

Here's ad #4.

I took a different tack this time and went the "I want to be friends" route.  Truth be told, that's probably as honest as it gets at this point, so I feel okay about taking it that direction.  Not surprisingly, that's not always how the men read the ad.

We'll get to what they said later.  For now, peruse it yourself and feel free to let me know what you think.  (Yes, I know that some of it got cut off, and I'm working on my posting skills, but I'm not there yet.  Sorry!)

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I've been thinking lately - 33

Okay, that's not fair, really.  Like most people, I think a lot.  In fact, I'm thinking all the time.  But lately my thoughts have been turning toward the notion that maybe it's time to meet some new people.

Maybe it's time to make some new friends; maybe it's time to meet a new guy.  Maybe it's simply time to open up my little world a bit more.  

Don't get me wrong - I've got good friends, a few hobbies, and a pretty great family.  I'm not looking for replacements, just a way to expand my group of "hey, let's hang out" folks.

Here's the rub:

I'm not interested in casual sex (so need to respond if that's your thing).

I'm not 420 friendly, nor am I friendly to other drugs.  And if you're thinking this might go in the direction of dating (I'm open to the possibility), I'm not tobacco friendly, either.

I don't drink often, and when I do it's not much.

So if you think a new friend might be something you'd like, drop me a line.  Or if you like your relationships to blossom out of friendships, drop me a line.  We'll see where it takes us.

If you can't say anything nice...

Let me be clear - my feelings aren't hurt.  I am not disappointed.  I just think that there are nicer ways to tell someone you aren't interested.

Am I wrong?

To wit, he first wrote

how about a pic to share?

I responded that I could certainly send along a picture but before doing so I'd like to hear a little about why he responded to my ad.  I contend that's not too much to ask for.  A 6 word response doesn't really inspire me to share much, especially if he hasn't sent a photo along himself.

well to start I too dont drink smoke or do drugs of any kind very rare to fine some one else that doesnt you seem to have a possitive out look on life also

I responded but forgot that he was requesting a picture, so I didn't send one.  He asked again.  I sent a photo and asked if he also had one.  Trading them seems fair, right?

So he sends one, saying that he thought he already had.  Now, I'm not really complaining, but he didn't actually send a picture of himself; he sent a picture of his motorcycle.  In fact, he'd even titled the file "bike.jpg."  See what I mean?

 Okay, so he sends me this photo and then, two minutes later, he sends me another message.  TWO MINUTES.

if thats your pic please dont reply

I could go off on his lack of apostrophes or capital letters.  But I won't.  I'd rather say, didn't your mom ever tell you, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?

On the road

I am out of town this week, traveling for work.  That's not unusual for me, so I don't have any problem telling my ad responders that I'm happy to continue emailing with them this week but certainly can't meet up with them.  It's just a normal part of my life to be hanging out in a hotel room for a few days. 

Two men have responded to this news in ways I find a little bizarre:

First,

So how does a 33 year old end up with a job that allows her travel all the time?

Well.  Is it that unusual for someone my age to have a job in which I spend a few weeks a year on the road?  Am I crazy for thinking that's fairly normal?  And what does my age have to do with that?  There are women in my office who are 22 and women who are in their 50s.  We all travel.  Is it really that strange?

Second, an email from someone who's been hanging around since the third ad (the 29 year old who's never had a job),

This week will be filled with looking for work, finding some places to volunteer, and hoping to schedule meeting you. Like to be productive and this week shall be just that.

Enjoying your large bed?

Okay, I'm glad to hear that he's looking for a job.  Nice to know that he wants to volunteer as well.  Those things can both take time.  But is it really going to take that much time to schedule a meeting with me?  I mean, if not for this blog, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even bother, but given the rules, I'm pretty easy!  As long as I'm in town and not working, I'm going to say yes.  Sure, he doesn't know that, but I can pretty much guarantee it's not going to take much time to schedule a meeting with me.

More importantly, eeewwww!  Gross! 

Am I enjoying my large bed? 

Okay, it's true that my hotel room sports a king, and I guess he could assume that.  But it could also be the case that I'm in a room with two queens.  Also, what does he think I sleep on at home?  It's not like my bed at home is a twin. 

More importantly, what am I supposed to do with that question?  It just makes my skin crawl.  Ick.

Mama's boy

I received a response to the fourth ad from an email address belonging to

Man and Woman Last-Name

So I responded,

Hello ...
So quick question - am I writing to Man or Woman? 
Thanks!

Flypaper

His answer to that?

Woman is my mother.  I was using her computer last night.  I'm Son.

Really?!?  He used his mom and dad's email address to respond to a personals ad?

Since he sent the second message from the same email address, I commented back, asking if he's still using his mom's.  Because, really, even if he's using his mom's COMPUTER, does he really have to use her EMAIL?  I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually work that way.  In any case, he responded telling me that he is living with his parents for the next week or so before he gets his own place.  You see, he just broke up with his girlfriend of 15 years.  Two weeks ago.

I'm guessing he's maybe not ready to date yet.

It's been two months since my boyfriend of 7 months dumped me.  And I admit that maybe I'm not totally ready to think about actually dating someone again - this blog notwithstanding.  So maybe I shouldn't judge. 

But if he hasn't figured out that using his mom and dad's email address to respond to personals ads is a bad idea, then I'm pretty sure he's not ready for this side of the world yet.

So not interested.

Repeats

I posted a fourth ad today.  I know I haven't completely closed out Ad #3 (and I'm going out of town for a week, so the timing is probably really terrible), but can I help that I'm a little bored with it?  I really need to rewrite the rules so that I can move forward in a way that feels right to me but doesn't make me feel guilty for not following them.

I am a rule follower.

I can't help it.  I've always been a rule follower.  It doesn't matter who writes the rules - even if I write them for myself, I have a compulsion to follow them.  So I know that I need to rewrite them, but I'd like for them to be good.  I'd like for them to not have to be revisited again.  So I'm mulling them over in my head. 

For now, I am feeling guilty for not following the rules perfectly.  (Guilt.  That's what years and years of Catholic school will get you.)

Anyway, I posted the fourth ad and have already had several responses.  Of course.  These men are quick.

One of the responses seemed awfully familiar.  Despite the fact that Ad #3 and Ad #4 are dramatically different from one another, the response seemed similar.  You know why?

Response from "Daddy" (which, by the way, is reason enough to say no thanks) to Ad #3:

..........Actually m looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me (xxx) xxx - xxxx

(Yes, he used that bold, italic font.) Response from Daddy to Ad #4:

..........Actually m looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me (xxx) xxx - xxxx

Notice anything? 

Yeah, I saw that too.