"Love" at first reply

So, I've promised over and over that there does, in fact, exit a happy tale in this whole CL dating scene. My cousin is married to a man she met through CL personals. But of course, you know what I really mean - there even exists a moderately happy tale in my life.

You've all read the fortune cookie ad. I hated that ad; you probably hated that ad; and I can tell you someone else who hated it.

I'd sent that ad into the ether and started hearing back from man after man who could care less who I was or what I wanted. I kind of think they barely cared who they were or what they wanted. I diligently responded to each and every ad. (Which, by the way, is a LOT harder when you haven't said anything about yourself in the first ad - it's just a whole lot more work.) Then I got a response from someone we'll be calling Joe. And those of you who know "Joe" are just going to have to get used to the pseudonym; if it matters to you, he sort of chose, and therefore sort of approves of, the name. Joe got right to the point:

Subject: Fate, Kismet, Destiny

Do you believe a cookie can really tell your fortune :) ? Do you believe in things like fate or destiny? I guess, that would beg the question, Do you believe in God?

Oh, and if you have a choice about someplace cold to visit...I'd go to Ireland :)

Now, I read these few sentences again all these months later, and I'm not sure that I can adequately explain myself. The truth is, I was totally hooked. I loved that he was willing to call me on my shit. Of course I responded; the rules guaranteed that I would. But I anxiously awaited his subsequent response, and I was eager to learn more.

It was only a few emails in before Joe suggested we try either chatting online or meeting up for Thai food (which had somehow become a primary subject of our conversation). The chatting came first but didn't last long. He was trying to tell me about something going on at work, and the chat format was proving difficult. So I gave him my phone number, he called, and we talked for nearly an hour before I had to head out for a previously planned event. But I was giddy throughout, and I really just wanted to get back to the conversation. I logged on to chat with him as soon as I got home, and we "talked" far into the night. It had been years since I'd stayed up that late.

I was so intrigued that I told him right then and there that my ad had, in some ways, been disingenuous. I told him about the blog. And he had no qualms with it. I was more intrigued.

The next day we met up for Thai food, and I was so nervous I could barely stand it. I hadn't been that nervous to meet someone for a very long time - maybe even never. I was so sure throughout lunch that he wasn't interested. We joke about it now: I swear he never looked me in the eye; he's certain that's not true. Regardless, I left the restaurant knowing that I was more intrigued than before and absolutely convinced that he was done.

He wasn't.

By the time I was back at a computer, he had sent me a message saying that he'd enjoyed lunch. I responded that I wasn't sure he was still interested. He replied that he was more interested after lunch than he was before.

Whew! But I wasn't totally convinced.

I had a family function that night, but when I checked my phone at the end of it, he'd left a text message asking if I might like to go for a walk.

Whew! I was totally convinced.

And, well, we spent the next 7 months together. He still claims to have hated my ad. He says he responded because he wanted to give me some advice about how to write an ad, how to "sell" myself. He says he was feeling a little sorry for me and was pretty sure that he could help. I tell him that it seems to have worked pretty well. He says that's not true -- I didn't get what I wanted; I may have gotten him, but since I was looking for fodder for this blog, the ad failed.

Reader Participation:
What do you think, dear readers? Did the ad work? Or does the fact that Joe and I had a healthy relationship and good fun for 7 months prove that it didn't?

They think they're clever

And maybe that's what I deserve. I mean, I did write a pretty lame ad. I know that. But I'm completely NOT attracted to the men who respond with things like

Did you know that in fortune cookies, the appended phrase "in bed" is implicitly understood?

Yes, I knew that. Well, yes, I know that you can add that if you want to participate in childish humor. I mean, yes, I know that my siblings and I did that when we were kids and going out to eat at the local Vietnamese restaurant. It was a little bit funny when I was 12 (but not nearly as funny as when my brother made up his fortune: "Beware of large swooping birds." Maybe you had to be there?)

I admit I wasn't being a good rule-follower when I responded. I simply said that I had, in fact, heard that before. And he was well-chastised, recognizing that maybe his response wasn't really all that funny. And that he doesn't believe in fortune cookies. Well no kidding - who does? Did he really think that I did? Sigh.

I laughed at the man who was clever enough to channel Confucius:

I spoke with confuscious about your duplicate fortunes.

He said that one applies to 2009, the current year, and the other applies to the current Chinese new year which started started Jan 26 and runs until Feb 14 2010. So, you don't get double the luck from duplicate fortunes, but you do get an extra month and a half : )

Unfortunately, I told him he made me laugh, and he took that as permission to ply me with Confucius jokes.

And then to tell me what he was really looking for.

Confucius rocks! He once said "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot"

I guess I replied to you because I'm standing on a toilet, listening to music, and you had a good title and posting. Also, you did not say anywhere what you specifically wanted, because if you had, it probably would have ruled me out and saved you some time...

I mean, I'm nice and all, possibly a friend, but I'm not the type for LTR. I'm the not the type for casual hookup either. I'm kinda useless to women as anything but a friend. I'd probably be flirty though. I like women, and am looking for something I guess. Not sure what, but something to keep me distracted from a long distance relationship without stepping over the line.

But that's just a start. Unemployed. No car. Smoker. You can tell I must do really well on CL, lol.

I took the time to clarify. Because it sounded to me like this guy was looking for someone to cheat on his long-distance girlfriend with. He didn't exactly see it that way.

To clarify, my comfort zone with a female friend is kinda hippie I guess, nudity is cool, massage is cool, flirting is fun, talking about sex and fantasies is nice. Kissing is where I would draw the line. When it's good, things won't stop there.

Yeah. That's cheating.

Fighting the bots

I don't respond to CL postings. That's not what this blog is about. It's about posting an ad and seeing how many of those who are attracted to my words turn out to be freaks. It's an experiment to see if my past experiences hold true in the internet age. Since I'm not responding to the posts, I haven't come across bots.

But let me tell you - those bots MUST be there.

Because it seems like every single man who responds to my ads assumes I'm a bot. They say it's because I don't post a photo in my ad. Well, I don't do that because I'm afraid someone will recognize me and know that I'm posting a personals ad on Craigslist. That's embarrassing!

Anyway, these bots are apparently all over the place. It certainly seems like they could be annoying, but I'm not sure that gives license to be a jerk. Does it?

After posting my second ad (yes, the fortune cookie one), I received the following:

Why don't you just go play, on a six lane highway.
Or the nearest street!

Whoa! Hostile much? I called him on it. And he said it was his way of weeding out the spam. He went on to write

I am just anting to find real people. If you are still looking for a person to go out with, I am glad to chat and send a picture.
I didn't think there was any real people posting ads. I did spend the 4th alone.
Looking for a nice woman to take out and get to know.
I real man in search of a good woman.

And I think I might just be a real woman in search of the meaning of "anting to find real people."

I'm a rule follower, though, so I know that I have to keep responding. And since I'm not actually trying to be mean, I'm going to let that slide. Instead, I ask Mr. Ant how he defines a "real man" and a "good woman." I do this at 5:57pm.

At 6:11, he responds. He tells me that he's a "real man" because he's 44 years old, big-ish (6ft, 200 lbs), lives alone, has never been married nor knocked a woman up. He owns his own contracting business, and he likes what he does. He neither drinks nor smokes. He says all of this in the caveman-type grunt he used above. Then he writes, "A nice woman is honest."

At 6:29, he sends another message asking if I'm still there.

I wasn't. And the next night I send him a message telling him as much. My message is brief; I ask him the "typical questions." He responds 13 minutes later with 3 sentences:

I am a licensed contractor. I have lived in the area for 30 years.
I like just about anything outdoors.
Nice dinners, trips to the beach, hikes and biking.

I'm busy - this dating on CL thing takes a lot of time. I can't respond to his message immediately, but I'm about to get to it. Really! But 20 minutes was apparently too long for him because that was all the time he gave me before he sending this message:

Well it was nice talking to you again. Wish you luck.
Just when you think you are talking to a person,
You end up talking to your self.
Last night I deleted Craigs list personals from my memory.
Just didn't get any real people looking for a real man.
I am a nice guy who makes good money.
I work hard and I don't drink.
Non smoker and no drugs. Honest and I help others all the time.
In shape and take care of myself.
I am going to give up on a good woman.
All the posters just play games and don't know a good thing when its in front of their face.
Hope you find what you are looking for.
This honest man is over and out.

C ya!!!

Dang! I'll admit that I wasn't feeling this guy. I'll even admit that I had already heard from a guy I was feeling (yep - the one who took me away from the blog for awhile). But 20 minutes? Come on! This guy didn't even give me a chance to respond. And is it just me, or did he shoot me down in a pretty hostile way? I'm pretty sure I know why he's not meeting any "good women."

I'm exhausted!

Okay, I know I shouldn't complain because I brought this all on myself. This was all my idea, and no one is forcing me to get back to it (not to say there haven't been some pretty LOUD requests).

But, sheesh!


Why didn't someone remind me this blog is a lot of work? I know you all aren't seeing it yet.

I swear - I've got at least a dozen oldies-but-goodies composing themselves in my head. And I really do want to share them with you. And I've got all those stories from the second ad still ready to go.

But the point of the blog is to find new stories, and that means posting an ad. And, as you know, I did that on Friday night.

So far, I've had 10 responses. Count them - 10!

And I've been following the rules and responding to each of them. And then they write back. And so I do the same. It takes hours. Hours upon hours. Someone forgot to remind me of that. Someone forgot to say, "Hey, Flypaper, you're crazy! Don't do it! You don't have time for this!"

In fact, it is taking so much time just to respond to the messages that I don't have time to actually meet anyone. (Or maybe I'm just hesitant to do so because the first person to both respond to the ad and to request a meet-up is old enough to be my father? I admit it. I'm shallow enough to want to change the rules again ... just so I don't have to go on a date with someone nearly 20 years my senior. I haven't decided yet if I will change the rules, but man!)

And, by the way, this new ad that is causing all the angst? Well, it turns out that it captures me pretty well. I was a little worried that it might not, but ... I got a call yesterday from my ex-boyfriend (yep, the one who responded to ad #2). That call went something like this:

Hey Flypaper, I saw your ad on Craigslist yesterday.

What?!? What ad? I didn't post any ad.

Hmm... Well, if it wasn't you, you've got a doppelganger out there who IS JUST LIKE YOU.

Yep, must be my doppelganger. She's the evil one - posting ads all over the internet. Hey! What are you doing looking at CL ads, anyway?

I'm allowed to look. We broke up, remember? And, I used to look all the time. I took a break for the 7 months we were together, but I can look now. But, honestly? I was looking to see if you posted or not. I knew you would. I could tell it was you in the first couple of seconds.

Yeah, whatever. It's for the blog. (Remember that I told him about this project almost immediately - we had a couple of email exchanges and then we started chatting online. I told him in that very first conversation because I knew I liked him, and I wanted to be upfront from the start.)

Mmhmm. Keep telling yourself that. It's not for the blog - it was a REAL ad. You wrote an ad that's REALLY about you. It was honest. That's NOT for the blog.

Sigh. He still doesn't really get the concept of this blog. And he still thinks that the ad that snagged him (ad #2, the one that I find pretty embarrassing) did not work. He still says that the fact it got him is a fluke. AND that he wasn't what I was looking for. Whatever. He'll never understand this project. And that's okay. But does he really have to go looking for my ads on CL?

Color me red from blushing too hard.

The fates were with me, apparently

This is surely the moment you've all been waiting for! (No, not the fact that you're getting two -count 'em, TWO- posts in one day, though I'd wager that's pretty awesome, too.) This is the unveiling of my second-ever Craiglist ad*.

Since it's been a while, I'd like to take a little bit of time to remind you of the context:

In my first ad, I followed all the rules I'd laid out for myself. I wrote an ad that I thought captured my essence fairly well. But despite the fact that I had some responses, I learned some things. Namely, it was too long. Way too long. Most CL ads are short. Really short. As in, so short that they don't actually say anything.

Personally, I think that's ludicrous.

But,

I figured that if I was going to really do this experiment correctly, I should be like all the other people posting ads on CL and not actually saying anything about myself.

So I did.

Remember, the rules state that I MUST be truthful. (I was.) They also say that I must write the ad as if I would if I wanted to actually attract someone. (I bent that rule, but trusted that you'd all understand.) If I sound like I'm stalling, I am. I find this ad pretty embarrassing. It's really not me. And I still have a hard time believing that a) I posted it, and b) it got me a 7 month relationship. Sigh.

But, without further ado:

I'm not much for fortune-telling, but...

...A friend gave me four chocolate covered fortune cookies last week. I've been eating them slowly, savoring both the chocolate and the fortunes. I ate the last one today, and its message was the same as the first:
"The current year will bring you much happiness."
The second said, "Luck is coming your way."

Are you that luck? Will you be bringing me much happiness?
----
You could be if you're like me in that you ...
+ enjoy learning new things, hearing a story, or solving a problem,
+ try not to take yourself too seriously (but sometimes you have to try REALLY, REALLY hard to succeed at that), and
+ recognize that beauty and intelligence come in many different forms.
(For those who wonder, the other fortune was "You will soon vacation in a place of cool climate" ... and given the heat of the last several days, maybe that's not such a bad thing.)

*Nope, not in Panama, either.

Missing in Action

I know ... I've been absent for awhile.
I'm a little surprised - and FLATTERED - to have heard from several of you asking,

"Are you still doing your blog?"

The answer?

Well, that's a tough one. I've got lots of stories still to tell - so far, you've only heard about responses from ONE AD. (Plus a few oldies-but-goodies, of course.) I placed a second ad, and there are stories to tell from that - boy, oh boy, are there stories to tell from that.

But here's the thing -

ONE of those stories is a sweet tale. I mentioned him a few weeks ago. A genuinely nice guy (even sent me flowers at work!), a genuinely nice guy I like. And we've been spending so much time together, and I like him enough, that I haven't had time to write up the stories from the second ad, pursue more stories from the same, or write a third. If you bear with me, though, I'll get there. I promise. It's just that this project takes A WHOLE LOT OF TIME, and (as I warned you a few posts back) I simply don't have much of that anymore.

Can I be honest with you?

I like that I don't have that time.

Huh.

So, life is pretty funny sometimes, I'm thinking. I think that a lot, but today I'm thinking it because...

I've been really on top of this blog, writing posts and scheduling them days in advance. In fact, there are three more all queued up and ready to go. In part that's because I've been finding that I actually have quite a bit to say. In part it's because I know that there will be a point at which I don't have time to sit down and write something new every few days. And, in part it is because I want to write the stories when they are fresh, but there's still this nagging sense that I need to hold off on actually putting them out into the ether.

All that is to say that this morning's post was written at least a week and a half ago. Maybe two weeks ago. At a time when the idea that I might meet someone I actually thought had potential was still kind of laughable. I mean, I walked into this project with my eyes wide open, and I knew it would be foolish to assume there wouldn't be some pretty great people looking to meet other pretty great people ... and why shouldn't they use Craigslist along with the masses, but come on! Really? Was I really going to meet someone? I was pretty sure that was a shot in the dark. We're talking really long shot, really dark dark.

I'd forgotten about this morning's post until I received notification that some of you had commented on it. (And I was pretty surprised, since it's the FIRST time the scheduling feature actually worked. For each of the previously scheduled posts, I had to go in and manually post them - which, by the way, defeats the purpose of a scheduling feature.) Anyway, I'd forgotten that I had written a brief post in which I wondered what would happen if I met someone I actually liked.

Call it fate. Kismet. Destiny. I don't know.

But I scheduled that post for just a few days after I did meet someone who seems pretty cool. Cool enough that I felt compelled to tell him about the blog. Cool enough that I am contemplating whether or not this project should continue. For now it will ... he says he'd like it to and will even do something obnoxious if it'll get him in the blog. I think I'll let him know he made it without having to stage some crazy drama. Did I mention cool enough to think this is an interesting endeavor?

In the meantime, it may mean that my attention to the project won't be quite so full -- after all, this stuff takes time. And it just might be the case that I won't have as much of it.

Quick! I need an opinion

I posted my second ad today. (And, boy, has the response been overwhelming! I've been reading/writing e-mails for about two hours ... I tell ya - this project is time consuming. It's no joke!) You'll get all the juicy goodness of the second ad when I'm done telling you all about the goodness of the first. Yes, there's MORE from the first -- be patient, my friends, be patient. Oh, and don't forget that the second ad has to expire before I can share it with you.

Anyway, I need your opinion, and I need it kind of quickly...

One of the responses to my second ad says he wants "a nice woman." I asked what that means to him. He said, "she should be honest." He also implied that if I'm not honest, I ought not continue to respond.

I'd like to oblige him.

So here's the question - is it dishonest for me to respond without telling him about my project? If so, I simply won't respond. If not, really? Is this honest?