I'm exhausted!

Okay, I know I shouldn't complain because I brought this all on myself. This was all my idea, and no one is forcing me to get back to it (not to say there haven't been some pretty LOUD requests).

But, sheesh!


Why didn't someone remind me this blog is a lot of work? I know you all aren't seeing it yet.

I swear - I've got at least a dozen oldies-but-goodies composing themselves in my head. And I really do want to share them with you. And I've got all those stories from the second ad still ready to go.

But the point of the blog is to find new stories, and that means posting an ad. And, as you know, I did that on Friday night.

So far, I've had 10 responses. Count them - 10!

And I've been following the rules and responding to each of them. And then they write back. And so I do the same. It takes hours. Hours upon hours. Someone forgot to remind me of that. Someone forgot to say, "Hey, Flypaper, you're crazy! Don't do it! You don't have time for this!"

In fact, it is taking so much time just to respond to the messages that I don't have time to actually meet anyone. (Or maybe I'm just hesitant to do so because the first person to both respond to the ad and to request a meet-up is old enough to be my father? I admit it. I'm shallow enough to want to change the rules again ... just so I don't have to go on a date with someone nearly 20 years my senior. I haven't decided yet if I will change the rules, but man!)

And, by the way, this new ad that is causing all the angst? Well, it turns out that it captures me pretty well. I was a little worried that it might not, but ... I got a call yesterday from my ex-boyfriend (yep, the one who responded to ad #2). That call went something like this:

Hey Flypaper, I saw your ad on Craigslist yesterday.

What?!? What ad? I didn't post any ad.

Hmm... Well, if it wasn't you, you've got a doppelganger out there who IS JUST LIKE YOU.

Yep, must be my doppelganger. She's the evil one - posting ads all over the internet. Hey! What are you doing looking at CL ads, anyway?

I'm allowed to look. We broke up, remember? And, I used to look all the time. I took a break for the 7 months we were together, but I can look now. But, honestly? I was looking to see if you posted or not. I knew you would. I could tell it was you in the first couple of seconds.

Yeah, whatever. It's for the blog. (Remember that I told him about this project almost immediately - we had a couple of email exchanges and then we started chatting online. I told him in that very first conversation because I knew I liked him, and I wanted to be upfront from the start.)

Mmhmm. Keep telling yourself that. It's not for the blog - it was a REAL ad. You wrote an ad that's REALLY about you. It was honest. That's NOT for the blog.

Sigh. He still doesn't really get the concept of this blog. And he still thinks that the ad that snagged him (ad #2, the one that I find pretty embarrassing) did not work. He still says that the fact it got him is a fluke. AND that he wasn't what I was looking for. Whatever. He'll never understand this project. And that's okay. But does he really have to go looking for my ads on CL?

Color me red from blushing too hard.

The fates were with me, apparently

This is surely the moment you've all been waiting for! (No, not the fact that you're getting two -count 'em, TWO- posts in one day, though I'd wager that's pretty awesome, too.) This is the unveiling of my second-ever Craiglist ad*.

Since it's been a while, I'd like to take a little bit of time to remind you of the context:

In my first ad, I followed all the rules I'd laid out for myself. I wrote an ad that I thought captured my essence fairly well. But despite the fact that I had some responses, I learned some things. Namely, it was too long. Way too long. Most CL ads are short. Really short. As in, so short that they don't actually say anything.

Personally, I think that's ludicrous.

But,

I figured that if I was going to really do this experiment correctly, I should be like all the other people posting ads on CL and not actually saying anything about myself.

So I did.

Remember, the rules state that I MUST be truthful. (I was.) They also say that I must write the ad as if I would if I wanted to actually attract someone. (I bent that rule, but trusted that you'd all understand.) If I sound like I'm stalling, I am. I find this ad pretty embarrassing. It's really not me. And I still have a hard time believing that a) I posted it, and b) it got me a 7 month relationship. Sigh.

But, without further ado:

I'm not much for fortune-telling, but...

...A friend gave me four chocolate covered fortune cookies last week. I've been eating them slowly, savoring both the chocolate and the fortunes. I ate the last one today, and its message was the same as the first:
"The current year will bring you much happiness."
The second said, "Luck is coming your way."

Are you that luck? Will you be bringing me much happiness?
----
You could be if you're like me in that you ...
+ enjoy learning new things, hearing a story, or solving a problem,
+ try not to take yourself too seriously (but sometimes you have to try REALLY, REALLY hard to succeed at that), and
+ recognize that beauty and intelligence come in many different forms.
(For those who wonder, the other fortune was "You will soon vacation in a place of cool climate" ... and given the heat of the last several days, maybe that's not such a bad thing.)

*Nope, not in Panama, either.

Back in the Saddle Again!

Happy Saturday! Today's the day it's safe to tell all your friends we're back in business here at Flypaper for Freaks.

This past week my colleagues and I have been spending a lot of time together. And I do mean A LOT. As in nearly all day every day. And while the work we were doing required that we be diligent, it also allowed for plenty of time to talk. By Thursday, our newest colleague said,

Flypaper, tell us a funny story.

Well, you know me - I have a bunch of them. So can you believe I drew a blank? And had to ask for some guidance?


Why, Newest Colleague, whatever would you like that story to be about?

(I just pictured myself saying that with a southern accent while batting my eyelids, even though that's NOT AT ALL how it happened.)

I've got to say, Newest Colleague wasn't particularly helpful in offering a general topic, but my boss (yes, my boss) suggested that I tell her the story of the "naked guy." That would be Big Penis Boy, for those of you who've forgotten. And, well, it turns out that BPB was just the beginning. Boss-lady then suggested that I regale them all with the story of Dante. And then I was on a roll. In fact, my dear friendly readers,

I remembered stories that had been buried deep within my subconscious.
Stories I didn't even remember when I was starting this blog last summer.
Stories that serve only two purposes in life:

1) confirmation that I really, truly am Flypaper for Freaks, and
2) gut-busting hilarity to share with the world.

Apparently, that's all I needed to get myself back on track. I posted my third w4m Craigslist ad* last night. I still believe that I have to see one ad through to completion before I post on here, just in case one of the men has cyber-stalking skills equal to mine (which, by the way, aren't that great, but I would totally take part of any ad I was responding to and run it through google before hitting "send." I would hate for one of them to do that ... it would blow my cover!), but I can tell you that I've already received several responses. I can tell you're excited!

* No, you won't find my ad by clicking on this link. I don't live in Minneapolis. That whole not-blowing-my-cover thing, you know. But check out the ads! They're funny, I promise.

I'm back!

Hello hello hello!

Long time, no see. And for that I can only say I'm marginally sorry. I spent the last 7 1/2 months entrenched in a relationship that started RIGHT HERE ... I was having so much fun that I put the blog on hiatus. I can't be sorry for all the fun and learning that went on, but I am a teeny bit regretful that I lost out on the opportunity to amass more stories.

The bad news is that we've decided to end it. Scratch that. He dumped me. The good news is that means I'm back! Work is a little bit busy right now, and I'm still kind of licking my wounds. But it'll only be a matter of time (we're talking weeks here, folks) before the Craigslist ad is posted, and we get right back into the fun.

First, of course, you're going to want to hear all about the ad that snagged the guy, right? The ad he SWEARS was terrible (but, ummm, I'm pretty sure 7 months is evidence that it worked), the ad he says he was responding to just to give me some advice about how to write an effective ad? Yeah. That one. I promise it's coming, as are all the responses I've saved for the last 7 months, just waiting for the time when I could continue without guilt.

Hold on - we're coming back...

Missing in Action

I know ... I've been absent for awhile.
I'm a little surprised - and FLATTERED - to have heard from several of you asking,

"Are you still doing your blog?"

The answer?

Well, that's a tough one. I've got lots of stories still to tell - so far, you've only heard about responses from ONE AD. (Plus a few oldies-but-goodies, of course.) I placed a second ad, and there are stories to tell from that - boy, oh boy, are there stories to tell from that.

But here's the thing -

ONE of those stories is a sweet tale. I mentioned him a few weeks ago. A genuinely nice guy (even sent me flowers at work!), a genuinely nice guy I like. And we've been spending so much time together, and I like him enough, that I haven't had time to write up the stories from the second ad, pursue more stories from the same, or write a third. If you bear with me, though, I'll get there. I promise. It's just that this project takes A WHOLE LOT OF TIME, and (as I warned you a few posts back) I simply don't have much of that anymore.

Can I be honest with you?

I like that I don't have that time.