Okay, look. I KNOW I've been slacking with this lately. I have some valid excuses (out of town for the past two weekends, busy in the evenings, not willing to blog while at work even though some of my days have been pretty light lately). You probably don't like any of those excuses. I kind of want to say "tough."
But I won't.
Instead, I'll tell you that I am absolutely, incredibly, more-than-super frustrated. I have tried THREE times - yes, THREE - to post an ad to CL in the last two weeks. Guess how many of those times the ad has actually posted? Go on. Guess.
Bet you can't.
So I'll tell you. ZERO. Ever since CL has started making you log in to post an ad, NONE of my ads will post. I'll keep trying. But I'm running low on experiences. And if I can't get an ad posted, I'm not going to have anything to write about.
In the meantime, here's a story from a reader. Enjoy :)
So I am a member of a well known dating site and was contacted by this guy who lives some 3 hours away. He offers to take me fishing rather than the bog standard 'wine and dine.' Thats ok with me, I *like* the fact he got to know me well enough to offer that alternative. Then he invites me to go stay,and says he will follow the ground rules of no sex, separate beds. Except, he will pay for the bus ticket and pick me up from the closest bus stop to his little country town - an hour away. Uh no thanks. I'll drive myself, in my car. (allowing for a 'quick' getaway). I keep talking with this guy, even though I'm a bit wary. Then he asks how I'd feel if he WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS SHOWERING! I'm all 'cool' and say its just a naked body, while thinking that this is about the third reference to walking in on someone in the shower. Once as an accident I can believe. Bringing it up 'in case'??? freaky. But thats not all. A couple of days later, he asks what I'd do/would I think it creepy if he WATCHED ME SLEEP??? Super freaky. Now ok, I don't like closed doors, but come on, asking what I'd do if you (a guy, and a complete stranger at that) did these things, well before I am thinking of visiting..well..lets just say that his chances of getting a visitor he wanted to 'get to know' are rapidly declining.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tread carefully
Just tread carefully. That's all I'm saying.
Two replies into an email correspondence with one guy had him asking what kind of date with me would be totally unique. I admit that I danced around the question a bit. I can be creative sometimes, but mostly in a totally controlled environment.
If someone I know well had asked me that question, I could have offered a wide variety of options. Every one of them, though, makes me very uncomfortable to think of doing with one of these CL men. For example, the last unique "date" I went on (with my ex-boyfriend shortly after he'd become an ex -- is that still a date?) involved a drive (1 hour and 20 minutes), a hike (1.5 miles), and a soak in a natural hot spring (clothing optional).
Fun date. We had a great time.
Even though it was freezing cold. Literally. The ground was frozen solid, and the earlier rain had turned turned to slush when it hit the trails.
Even though I slipped and fell face-first on the way back down. Even though I was then covered chest-to-toe in very cold mud for the final half of the hike AND all the way back to his place.
We had a great time. And it was unique.
Even with all of that, I would never suggest such a thing to someone I've just met. I'm just a little too afraid that they might say, "Hey - that sounds like fun! Let's try it."
I don't want to try it with them. The drive alone would terrify me. An hour and a half (give or take) in a car with a stranger, heading further and further out of civilization? No thanks! Then the hike? Even with other people on the trail, it's still the big-bad-woods. Hiking is cool. I enjoy it. I like being out in the middle of the forest. But not with someone I don't know. And a hot springs soak? At a clothing optional place? Even if I'm donning a bathing suit, I don't want to be around a bunch of nudies with a man I've just met. Too many ideas could be floating around his noggin. Way too may ideas for my comfort.
Safety first. Safety first says DO NOT ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT IF YOU THINK HE MIGHT SUGGEST DOING WHATEVER YOU'VE MENTIONED IN YOUR RESPONSE.
So I totally and completely danced around the question. Instead, I said something along the lines of trying something new, doing something that might make you look like a fool but it's okay because everyone involved knows it's the first time you've done it.
Dumb. I know. I get it. But I was thinking about my safety.
I do, however, know how to play the game. So I said, "what about you?"
And, well, here's where I think these men ought to tread lightly:
Yes! Yes! Yes! That is MOST DEFINITELY a boundary issue. We have never met. Never. Ever. We don't know each other. Yes, it would stretch me to consider having a date with you in which we are massaging each other.
Sigh.
Two replies into an email correspondence with one guy had him asking what kind of date with me would be totally unique. I admit that I danced around the question a bit. I can be creative sometimes, but mostly in a totally controlled environment.
If someone I know well had asked me that question, I could have offered a wide variety of options. Every one of them, though, makes me very uncomfortable to think of doing with one of these CL men. For example, the last unique "date" I went on (with my ex-boyfriend shortly after he'd become an ex -- is that still a date?) involved a drive (1 hour and 20 minutes), a hike (1.5 miles), and a soak in a natural hot spring (clothing optional).
Fun date. We had a great time.
Even though it was freezing cold. Literally. The ground was frozen solid, and the earlier rain had turned turned to slush when it hit the trails.
Even though I slipped and fell face-first on the way back down. Even though I was then covered chest-to-toe in very cold mud for the final half of the hike AND all the way back to his place.
We had a great time. And it was unique.
Even with all of that, I would never suggest such a thing to someone I've just met. I'm just a little too afraid that they might say, "Hey - that sounds like fun! Let's try it."
I don't want to try it with them. The drive alone would terrify me. An hour and a half (give or take) in a car with a stranger, heading further and further out of civilization? No thanks! Then the hike? Even with other people on the trail, it's still the big-bad-woods. Hiking is cool. I enjoy it. I like being out in the middle of the forest. But not with someone I don't know. And a hot springs soak? At a clothing optional place? Even if I'm donning a bathing suit, I don't want to be around a bunch of nudies with a man I've just met. Too many ideas could be floating around his noggin. Way too may ideas for my comfort.
Safety first. Safety first says DO NOT ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT IF YOU THINK HE MIGHT SUGGEST DOING WHATEVER YOU'VE MENTIONED IN YOUR RESPONSE.
So I totally and completely danced around the question. Instead, I said something along the lines of trying something new, doing something that might make you look like a fool but it's okay because everyone involved knows it's the first time you've done it.
Dumb. I know. I get it. But I was thinking about my safety.
I do, however, know how to play the game. So I said, "what about you?"
And, well, here's where I think these men ought to tread lightly:
So an unique date huh? What would be something unique for you and I then? Are you a massage person? Would that stretch you? Or would that be a boundary issue... Just throwing ideas out.
Yes! Yes! Yes! That is MOST DEFINITELY a boundary issue. We have never met. Never. Ever. We don't know each other. Yes, it would stretch me to consider having a date with you in which we are massaging each other.
Sigh.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Slow...
I know! I'm a slacker! I know it ... a couple of weeks ago I wrote several posts and scheduled them to come out each day, and it lulled me into a sense of security. It gave me a break from having to write daily.
Oops!
What a mistake that was. Now I'm behind. Sigh.
I've got a couple of first meets, some oldies-but-goodies, and even a few reader stories bungling around. I just need to find a free moment to sit down and write them out. They're coming. I promise.
Please be patient with me. I'll try to make it worth your wait.
Oops!
What a mistake that was. Now I'm behind. Sigh.
I've got a couple of first meets, some oldies-but-goodies, and even a few reader stories bungling around. I just need to find a free moment to sit down and write them out. They're coming. I promise.
Please be patient with me. I'll try to make it worth your wait.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Reader story - Nice photo!
Honestly? I like reader stories. I mean, I really like them. I think it's because they make me feel less alone. They allow me to say,
And I appreciate that.
So, this reader was using an online dating site, one which requires the "members" to post a photo in their bio section. Our reader was diligent and chose a photo she really liked, one that offers a fair and accurate representation of her. The photo seemed to be doing its job, as our reader received a number of winks/smiles/nods/whatever-is-de-rigueur-for-the-site.
One day she received a message from one of the male members. A male member from whom she'd received absolutely no wink or nod before. A male member to whom she'd sent no wink or nod. This was a new "hello" in the form of a full-blown message. With an attachment. Of her own photo:
YES! It's creepy. Of course it's creepy! And you know it. If you didn't, you wouldn't ask. Still, why? Really. I want to know. WHY? You've never met this woman. You first manipulate her picture to look as you want it to. Then you put it on your computer for daily consumption? Then you tell her about it? And you don't know her? I think you might be someone who should frighten us all.
See? I'm not the only one!
And I appreciate that.
So, this reader was using an online dating site, one which requires the "members" to post a photo in their bio section. Our reader was diligent and chose a photo she really liked, one that offers a fair and accurate representation of her. The photo seemed to be doing its job, as our reader received a number of winks/smiles/nods/whatever-is-de-rigueur-for-the-site.
One day she received a message from one of the male members. A male member from whom she'd received absolutely no wink or nod before. A male member to whom she'd sent no wink or nod. This was a new "hello" in the form of a full-blown message. With an attachment. Of her own photo:
I hope you don't mind. I took the liberty of lightening up your photo so I could see it better. I think you're beautiful. In fact, I am now using the improved photo as the background image on my desktop. Do you think that's creepy?
YES! It's creepy. Of course it's creepy! And you know it. If you didn't, you wouldn't ask. Still, why? Really. I want to know. WHY? You've never met this woman. You first manipulate her picture to look as you want it to. Then you put it on your computer for daily consumption? Then you tell her about it? And you don't know her? I think you might be someone who should frighten us all.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Ad #5
I admit it. This ad's not my best work. I posted this one when I was feeling a little irritated. I was tired. I was annoyed. I wasn't thrilled. And I think it shows. I know that.
And guess what? There wasn't much in the way of responses.
Lesson learned.
In any case, it seems to me that perhaps there's a better way than the typical. So let's try this -
I'm a 30-something woman, single with no kids. I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for here, but I know what I'm not seeking - I'm not looking for casual sex or friends-with-benefits; I'm not looking for drug users, heavy drinkers, or smokers. I'm not looking for someone who wants to email back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and never get to a face-to-face meeting. I'm not looking for a face-to-face meeting that would be much more than catching up to have a hot drink or a dish of ice cream at a local cafe. Call me an ageist if you will, but I'm not looking for someone old enough to be my father (and you know who you are - if you were having sex at 15, then by mid- to late-forties, you're old enough to be my dad; if you abstained until college, well, you just bought yourself some time. Either way, you get the idea.) I'm not looking for someone who's going to judge the fact that I've got a few more than a few extra pounds and, try as I might, they're stubbornly with me.
And guess what? There wasn't much in the way of responses.
Lesson learned.
----------------
Is there a right way? - 33
Is there a right way? - 33
I've posted a few ads - even been lucky in love once through CL - but lately it's seemed like a whole lot of responses, a bit of email back-and-forth, and then nothing. I think it's at least partially because I grow weary of the typical "who are you" and "what do you do" questions, so I don't always write back as soon as the men would like. Also, despite the fact that it's 8:05 on a Saturday night and it might not seem like it, I'm a busy woman. Thus, I can't always respond immediately, but I always try to get back withing 24 hours.
In any case, it seems to me that perhaps there's a better way than the typical. So let's try this -
I'm a 30-something woman, single with no kids. I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for here, but I know what I'm not seeking - I'm not looking for casual sex or friends-with-benefits; I'm not looking for drug users, heavy drinkers, or smokers. I'm not looking for someone who wants to email back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and never get to a face-to-face meeting. I'm not looking for a face-to-face meeting that would be much more than catching up to have a hot drink or a dish of ice cream at a local cafe. Call me an ageist if you will, but I'm not looking for someone old enough to be my father (and you know who you are - if you were having sex at 15, then by mid- to late-forties, you're old enough to be my dad; if you abstained until college, well, you just bought yourself some time. Either way, you get the idea.) I'm not looking for someone who's going to judge the fact that I've got a few more than a few extra pounds and, try as I might, they're stubbornly with me.
Long list of not-wants, I know. Like I said, I'm trying something different. More different - if you're maybe what I DO want, send me a message telling me something you wish people knew about you but never seem to take the time to learn. Then, ask me a question you'd like me to answer (I promise I will respond to everyone at least once - I'm open to meeting new, interesting people who think they might be a good match for me). Bonus points if your question makes me think!
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