He didn't follow me home, did he? (Part 1)

No.  He didn't.  I know that because I looked back over my shoulder ever 2-3 seconds just to make sure.  I kind of thought he might. 

Last night I had a date.  A date that is so full of freaky goodness that I don't know how I can possibly write about all if it in one post.  The post would be pages and pages long.  So it's going to have to come in parts.  Even now, as I rethink the date, I'm shaking my head and wondering if I should really continue on with this blog.  I'm all about entertaining myself (and you, of course) with this project.  But whoa.  Sometimes the brakes need to be applied.  Last night I was pretty sure this is the time for that.  This morning I'm a little less sure. 

I might need some pretty solid encouragement to soldier on, though.

First things first,
This guy (who needs a nickname ... I don't have one yet - any ideas?) responded to my totally and completely innocuous ad:

Hi I don't know if I'm in the right section but I have an oral fixation to pleasure women no questions asked, but I'm tired of looking for just that one thing and would like something more in the long term. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs, I work part time and currently looking for more work, I also volunteer at the food bank, how about you what do you do and what kind music are you into?

An oral fixation?  Eewww.  And, um, no!  You are NOT in the right section.  

But, you know the rules.  And you know me and following the rules.  I replied.

I'm pretty sure you aren't in the right section - or, maybe you are but it'd be best to not lead off with the whole oral fixation part.  That's especially true if you're looking for something more long term.  So, since you say you're looking for more than "just that one thing," tell me something about what you do want ... what do you hope to find here on CL?

And he responded with a nice email, thanking me for being honest with him.  And the email banter continued a bit.  He completely dropped the "I have an oral fixation" thing.  In fact, by the time he asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and a movie, I'd forgotten all about the fact that he was the one who'd said that to me.  

That was a mistake.  A big, big mistake.

Obviously.

And maybe I should have been clued into that when, right after I agreed to meet him, he sent me photos of himself, including one of his bare torso which made it look like he was maybe fully naked.  He also reminded me that he wasn't trying to "get into my pants."  But since we had gotten to a pretty clear "we're just going out to see if friendship might be a good route for us" point and since he didn't send me the penis shot (I hate when they do that), I figured it was just his stock of photos.  And I didn't mind too much.

So we meet up.  The plan is to have a cup of coffee and then head across the street to the discount theatre to see Shutter Island. Neither of us had seen it yet.  I've seen the previews and thought it would be creepy scary.  I'm a little unsure if seeing a movie like that with a first date is a good idea, but I'm open.  This whole project is about being open.

He's on time.  

He's acting a little nervous, but I've learned that is to be expected.  Just because I can generally meet new people without feeling anxious doesn't mean everyone can.  And it certainly seems to be the case that CL responders are of the more nervous variety.  It makes sense - for most of them, they are using this method because they are uncomfortable in social situations.

Still, he seems especially nervous.

He takes AGES to answer a question.  And he seems to think and think and think before doing so.  I know that's a good thing sometimes.  But in this case?  It just seemed like he was trying to fabricate a truth.  For example, "where did you grow up?" garnered a

Shifty eyes.  Several ums.  A few deep breaths.  And the name of a city not stated but given in a lilting question.  

Uh huh.  I believe you're from there.  Yep.  I sure do...  Wink wink. 

In any case, he jumped right into the conversation.  Perhaps a little too far too quickly.  He skipped over all of the niceties and went straight for the "how often do you meet people this way" and "tell me about the weirdest ones."

I'm game for letting these meetings go where the guy wants (within reason, of course) because I figure it gives me much better fodder.  Also, on a more practical dating level, it tells me something about what's important to them without them having to voice it.  In fact, for that reason, I've started to believe that letting a first date go wherever the man takes it is a good tool in general dating.

So I told him about the bald guy.  I didn't tell the whole story, but I offered up the juicy bits.  And he acted appropriately horrified.  So while I knew I wasn't at all -even remotely- attracted to this guy, and while I was finding that I needed to be really patient with his speaking style, I was beginning to think that he might be a nice enough guy to consider as a new friend.  Maybe.  The thought flitted across my mind.

And then he started to tell me about his "weird" dating stories.  But the problem is that in each case, the freaky party was him.  And he knew it!  So I revised my friend theory ... realizing that this guy is a little slow on the uptake all the way around, and I don't have the patience to build a new friendship with someone like that.

Still, we continue on with the date.  

He asks me if the ad he responded to was in the "Casual Encounters" section or the "Women for Men" section.

Excuse me?!?

Oh no!  

First of all - people actually respond to the sex ads?  I mean, real people actually post there and real people actually respond and real people actually meet?!?!  

Second - how on earth could you possibly think it's a good idea to meet up with someone and NOT REMEMBER IF YOU MET THEM IN THE CASUAL ENCOUNTERS SECTION OR THE WOMEN FOR MEN SECTION??

That's a serious question.

And my blood pressure has just gone up thinking about it.  I need a break.  I'll be back later with the rest of the story.

Two updates

First, I've received a whole lot of responses to my last ad.  Too many - it's hard to keep up.  But I'm trying.  And ... I've been talking on the phone to someone I think I might kind of like.

Second, I have a date tonight.  I'll write about it tomorrow.  Promise.

Three times is NOT the charm

Anyone recognize this?
Uh huh.

..........Actually quality guy looking for a woman just like you  to spend time with, laugh, go to dinner, watch a movie, go dancing, go to a bar and just have a good time  , while getting to know each other. I am a normal, down to earth, humble guy. I love to read books, go out, love to try new things. I am a social drinker no smoker , and just a normal white guy hazel eyes 5\11. I have a picture, I am easy on the eyes, promise! Write me back and lets see how it goes u can text me xxx xxx xxxx.

Uh huh.  It's what you think it is. 

I was finally able to get the next ad up (several responses already - including some guys who want to meet right away!).  And guess who responded?  My friend "Daddy."  This makes the third response from him.  The third response that is exactly the same.

I think I'll respond again.  See what he has to say for himself.

I'll let you know.

Reader Response - Aren't strangers fun?

Okay, look.  I KNOW I've been slacking with this lately.  I have some valid excuses (out of town for the past two weekends, busy in the evenings, not willing to blog while at work even though some of my days have been pretty light lately).  You probably don't like any of those excuses.  I kind of want to say "tough."

But I won't.

Instead, I'll tell you that I am absolutely, incredibly, more-than-super frustrated.  I have tried THREE times - yes, THREE - to post an ad to CL in the last two weeks.  Guess how many of those times the ad has actually posted?  Go on.  Guess.

Bet you can't.

So I'll tell you.  ZERO.  Ever since CL has started making you log in to post an ad, NONE of my ads will post.  I'll keep trying.  But I'm running low on experiences.  And if I can't get an ad posted, I'm not going to have anything to write about. 

In the meantime, here's a story from a reader.  Enjoy :)

So I am a member of a well known dating site and was contacted by this guy who lives some 3 hours away. He offers to take me fishing rather than the bog standard 'wine and dine.' Thats ok with me, I *like* the fact he got to know me well enough to offer that alternative. Then he invites me to go stay,and says he will follow the ground rules of no sex, separate beds. Except, he will pay for the bus ticket and pick me up from the closest bus stop to his little country town - an hour away. Uh no thanks. I'll drive myself, in my car. (allowing for a 'quick' getaway). I keep talking with this guy, even though I'm a bit wary. Then he asks how I'd feel if he WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I WAS SHOWERING! I'm all 'cool' and say its just a naked body, while thinking that this is about the third reference to walking in on someone in the shower. Once as an accident I can believe. Bringing it up 'in case'??? freaky. But thats not all. A couple of days later, he asks what I'd do/would I think it creepy if he WATCHED ME SLEEP??? Super freaky. Now ok, I don't like closed doors, but come on, asking what I'd do if you (a guy, and a complete stranger at that) did these things, well before I am thinking of visiting..well..lets just say that his chances of getting a visitor he wanted to 'get to know' are rapidly declining.

Tread carefully

Just tread carefully.  That's all I'm saying.

Two replies into an email correspondence with one guy had him asking what kind of date with me would be totally unique.  I admit that I danced around the question a bit.  I can be creative sometimes, but mostly in a totally controlled environment. 

If someone I know well had asked me that question, I could have offered a wide variety of options. Every one of them, though, makes me very uncomfortable to think of doing with one of these CL men.  For example, the last unique "date" I went on (with my ex-boyfriend shortly after he'd become an ex -- is that still a date?) involved a drive (1 hour and 20 minutes), a hike (1.5 miles), and a soak in a natural hot spring (clothing optional).

Fun date.  We had a great time. 

Even though it was freezing cold.  Literally.  The ground was frozen solid, and the earlier rain had turned turned to slush when it hit the trails.

Even though I slipped and fell face-first on the way back down.  Even though I was then covered chest-to-toe in very cold mud for the final half of the hike AND all the way back to his place. 

We had a great time.  And it was unique.


Even with all of that, I would never suggest such a thing to someone I've just met.  I'm just a little too afraid that they might say, "Hey - that sounds like fun!  Let's try it."

I don't want to try it with them.  The drive alone would terrify me.  An hour and a half (give or take) in a car with a stranger, heading further and further out of civilization?  No thanks!  Then the hike?  Even with other people on the trail, it's still the big-bad-woods.  Hiking is cool.  I enjoy it.  I like being out in the middle of the forest.  But not with someone I don't know.  And a hot springs soak?  At a clothing optional place?  Even if I'm donning a bathing suit, I don't want to be around a bunch of nudies with a man I've just met.  Too many ideas could be floating around his noggin.  Way too may ideas for my comfort.

Safety first.  Safety first says DO NOT ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT IF YOU THINK HE MIGHT SUGGEST DOING WHATEVER YOU'VE MENTIONED IN YOUR RESPONSE.

So I totally and completely danced around the question.  Instead, I said something along the lines of trying something new, doing something that might make you look like a fool but it's okay because everyone involved knows it's the first time you've done it.

Dumb.  I know.  I get it.  But I was thinking about my safety.

I do, however, know how to play the game.  So I said, "what about you?"

And, well, here's where I think these men ought to tread lightly:

So an unique date huh? What would be something unique for you and I then? Are you a massage person? Would that stretch you? Or would that be a boundary issue... Just throwing ideas out.

Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  That is MOST DEFINITELY a boundary issue.  We have never met.  Never.  Ever.  We don't know each other.  Yes, it would stretch me to consider having a date with you in which we are massaging each other. 

Sigh.