Catholic guilt rears its head

But not for the reason you might think.

Nope - I'm not questioning this whole project.  Instead, guilt has been rearing its ugly head because my sister commented that I've been "mean to Joe in the blog."  And that was only a couple days after Joe himself told me that I'd missed some of what he'd said. 

So, I just want to say for the record - I'm sorry.  I really do like Joe.  I care about him quite a bit.  We still spend time together.  I do not have ill feelings toward him.  I do not intend to be mean to him.  I also do not intend to misrepresent him or his words.  (At the risk of doing so now, though, let me be clear - he did say that as it's my blog I can write whatever I like.  He's not offended.  He understands the creative license that goes into paraphrasing a half hour conversation into a short-ish blog post.  He has, more-or-less, given his blessing for me to write anything I'd like about him.  And he says that not only will he not mind, he'll still like me.  So I have to ask - what's not to love?)

Guilt is a funny thing.  I'm convinced that my relationship with guilt has a whole lot to do with those years and years of Catholic school.  Thus, despite the fact that he doesn't have a problem with it, my sister's admonition that I've been mean to Joe compels me to issue a public apology.

I'm sorry, Joe, if anything I've written about you on this blog has been mean. 
I think you're a good person..

I'm grateful to have met you.

I'm glad you're in my life.

Even if the realities of how you're in my life have changed.

They're everywhere - even right on my corner

This isn't a dating story.  But it IS a freak story.  And it is an example of how I attract them.  I hope you'll indulge me as I tell it.

Tonight - not more than an hour and a half ago, I was returning home from a CL date (more on that later ... this overeager guy whose feelings I'm probably about to hurt deserves more than just a mere passing mention, but I promise I'll give you an update soon). 

As I walk up to the corner upon which my house sits, I hear two men talking loudly.  This is not unusual, as I live in a pretty busy neighborhood, and people often congregate on my corner.  These two men are talking loudly and appear to be having a heated conversation but not one that could be characterized as an argument. 

One notices me, turns away from his friend, and begins to talk in a softer voice.  He introduces himself to me, tells me his name is Luciano.  He's standing near a utility pole, and he moves so that he's facing it but continues to talk to me.  I hear his friend say, "Awww, man!" before he warns me to "watch out."

Luciano is unzipping his pants, pulling out his penis, and beginning to urinate on the pole.  All the while, he is TALKING TO ME.

I quickly run up my steps and unlock my door.  Still, I hear the constant stream of urination.  Ugh.

I live here!  And you just peed on my corner.  Not only that, you talked to me while you did it.  Why?  Why?  I just want to know why.

Hostile much?

I was looking through some old emails.  Old as in from last summer when this all began.  It was part spring-cleaning and part-check-to-make-sure-I-haven't-missed-anything.

Would you believe that I missed some things?

I did.

I found this string of messages between me and a guy who gave just his initials.  It was after my first-ever post on CL, so I was still new to the game.  I hadn't yet learned all the subtleties.  Ha!  Who am I kidding?  I'm still learning the nuances of this whole online personals thing.  But then?  Well, way back then I didn't have a full-blown CL relationship under my belt.  So I was most definitely not an expert.

Here is the joy that I experienced/participated in:

a k to Flypaper

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
are you real?
Proof that you real.
Most ad here posted by man from Nigeria Africa.
e-mail front and back. But i am leaning too.
If in 3 emails no plan to see each other that is waste of time for me.

---

this message was remailed to you via: xxxx2@craigslist.org

---

Adrienne

Are you real? I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and...

7/5/09

AdrienneLoading...

7/5/09

Flypaper to a k

Are you real?  I agree that many ads posted on CL aren't from real people, and it's fair of you to ask for proof.  Though, without knowing what would be valid proof for you, I'm not sure I can offer it.  I'm also not sure what you mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 

If it must lead to meeting within three e-mails without this being a waste of time, then it seems to me those e-mails ought to have some substance.  Do you agree?  If so, then let's count your next e-mail as the first - something to let me know that you saw something in my ad that interests you.

Until then, take care -
Flypaper

a k to Flypaper

do you like mear of this city and what do you think about it?

I think it is in English -mean by "e-mail front and back" - can you explain? 
It is when 3 mail sent and no physical see person - waste time.
Do you speak English?
Nigiran speak British language. I forget.

Today after 5 show up on east site any bid shopping place or take your business away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flypaper to a k

I'm guessing you're not real.  Care to prove me wrong?

a k to Flypaper

Go find job on oil field you in Nigiria Africa
This is end!


See how nice I was?  I was trying so hard to be a good sport.  I gave it my best effort.  I really did.  This was before I realized that I can fudge the rules a bit.  I couldn't even really understand what he wanted from me.  Part of that is the English problem (who knew that if I just spoke British English, I wouldn't have such problems understanding poor grammar and spelling?); part of it is the all-over-the-place nature of his message.

Can I be honest, though?  I was really, really glad that he ended it all.  Even if he was a little hostile.  Even if he wasn't real.  I was glad to know that it would be just fine for me to go find myself a job in the oil fields of Nigeria.

 

Not safe for my eyes - or yours, probably

Really?!?

Do they really have to send me naked photos?  I just want to have an opportunity to meet a nice guy.

Okay, okay - a little honesty is in order, I know.  So let me try again, I just want to have an opportunity to get some good stories out of this whole project.  But that does not (let me repeat, that DOES NOT) mean I want to see your nakedness splashed all over my inbox.  I can't wash my eyes of the image.  If you want me to see your nakedness, you've got two options (only one of which might actually be legitimate) -

1) Get to know me.  Date me.  Seduce me.  You know ... all the normal ways that people might "get" to see your nakedness.
2) Pull a BPB.  It's bold, a little bit "eeewwww!"-inducing, but also semi-creative.  If nothing else, it requires you to have some gumption and to put yourself out there, ready for rejection in a face-to-face kind of way.

WARNING: Don't click on the link if you don't want to see it!

But please, please whatever you do, don't send me photos.  Even if you also send me a message asking if I want to start a friendship with NSA.  I don't care.  I don't want your NSA friendship, and I sure don't want to see your penis.  Not in my inbox.  Ick.

I apologize to anyone whose eyes are burning as badly as mine did.  But I did warn you about the link.  I almost didn't put it there.  I did only because I feel the need to offer proof.  You can thank me later for not simply posting it for all the world to see.

**Note: I doctored up the photo to protect the innocents' eyes.  Please know that I was absolutely, totally, 100% visually assaulted with a view of the real thing.  No sketchy peach-colored box covering the goods.**

These can't be real

It's Saturday, so I'm taking a break from stories - mine or others.  Perhaps I'll write a new ad today.  Maybe I'll work on making a couple of dates with the hangers-on that are still out there.  I'm not sure. 

In the meantime, enjoy this little number, okay?



I know this woman says the ad is what she posted, and these men are who she heard from. But that can't possibly be true. These men look NOTHING like the men that respond to my ads. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me!