1 more acceptable reason to post a photo on this blog

I know those three reasons I posted yesterday seemed like the only acceptable methods/reasons for posting a photo, but I'm pretty sure I've got another that you'll agree is also just fine.

My third ad prompted a response from a young man wondering if he might be my "Dream Guy on CL":

Cutie, 

 

I hope you had a great night.  See my pic attached and I'd like to make love to you.

Cheers
Tim

P.S.  I'm 5"10; 160pds, with athletic body. 25yrs old. 

First, I'm not your "cutie" (and you never even saw my photo, so how can you be so sure?)
Second, I don't want to "make love to you."  And what would possess you to think that would get me interested in you?

But, of course, the rules say I have to respond. So, I did:

Tim,

I had a fine night.  I'm irritated that you'd call me "cutie" without knowing me -- or even knowing if I'm "cute."  But I feel a little bad for you .. that you're so certain you'd like to make love to me, without knowing the first thing about me.  That's not really my style.

Can you believe he responded?  He did!  And it gets worse ... (and it's R-rated, so if you aren't comfortable with that, STOP RIGHT HERE!)

I really do appreciate your response.  Sometimes lives just get me too excited, and sometimes even you have days when just got to have it:).  So, in case that day comes, feel free to email me and I'll sweep you off your feet and make you my goddess in bed.  If you have girlfriends that are as horny as I am and aren't getting any, feel free to pass my email to them with my pic.  I love pleasure [licking, sucking, and 360 are my favorites] and age, color, body type is not that important to me.

Sincerely,
Tim

I don't think of myself as that naive, but I wasn't at all sure I entirely understood him.  So, I looked "360" up on urbandictionary.com and came up short.  If you can clue me in, please do.  I think.  Maybe I don't really want to know?


But more to the point, as I read this last exchange, I'm getting the message that Tim (yes, that's his real name) wants me to pass along his photo.  Which makes me think it's okay to post it here (reason #4).  So, to all my "girlfriends" out there, feast your eyes on Tim:

First, if you want an unadulterated photo and his email address, let me know - he'd be pleased to hear from you, I'm sure.


Second, I know for certain that this is, in fact, Tim.  I cyberstalked him.  I know where he works.  And he has an official workplace photo featured prominently both on their site and on LinkedIn.  It's him, though he does seem a little more "plasticky" in this photo.  I almost sent a copy of his messages along to the manager at his company, but I decided that might not be a nice thing to do.  Was that wrong?

In this business, a little cyberstalking is always in order

It's a safety thing.

At least, that's how I justify it to myself.  And, honestly - if they give me their full name, they've got to know that I'm going to google them.  And probably look them up on Facebook.  And if they don't know that, well - then they aren't following any kind of "safety first" rules, are they? 

Anyway, if they respond to one of my ads and they share their full name, I'm looking them up.  Unless I find out something really bad about them, it's not going to prevent me from continuing on, meeting them, and being open to finding true love.  Honest!  Okay, it won't prevent me from meeting them.  But true love?  That only comes every so often, and while I've learned my lesson about poo-pooing everyone on CL, I do have my limits.

For example, I received a pretty nice response from a guy who said he liked the "attitude and spirit that came through" in my post.  He was short and sweet and to the point in his first message, and of course, I responded.  The rules say I have to, but I probably would have even if the rules gave me some leeway.  We swapped a few more emails and ultimately decided we'd meet up just a few short days after I first posted my ad.  Unlike most men, this one never sent a photo.  So, in addition to wanting to be sure I wasn't about to meet a serial rapist, my google/FB search was also image reconnaissance.

Sidebar - I have some rules about posting my dates' photos - I won't do it.  Unless one of the following is true: 
1) They know about the blog and have given permission (not likely, I know).
2) I am totally and completely convinced that the photos they've sent are fake (prime example here).
3) They've posted the photo in a public venue (or publicly on their Facebook page), and I've doctored it up so you can't see any identifying features.  

I'm sorry to say that my FB search for this man, who seemed like he might be a nice guy, turned up some sketchy photos.  Photos of him and some much younger women, partying in a hot tub.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to partying in hot tubs.  I am, however, opposed to 40-something men posting photos of themselves in hot tubs with bikini-clad drunk girls who are clearly half their age.  I admit that I am even more opposed to said men posting photos of themselves being crowned by these girls' wet locks.

Yes, that's her hair.  Ick.

But, by the time I'd found this photo, I had already agreed to meet this man (who, by the way, makes a living as a karaoke DJ - who knew that was possible?  Come on!  Raise your hand if you thought it was possible to make a living at that for more than a decade!) that very evening.  Okay, okay - maybe I should have known before I'd ever cyberstalked him; maybe I should have known by the place he picked.  When I looked the bar up online to get the address, there were photos after photos after photos of people pulling up their shirts and showing off their chests.  Sigh.

Anyway, I showed up.  And so did he.  And we talked for an hour and a half or so.  Well, he talked for an hour and a half or so.  He asked me ONE question about myself.  I counted.  One.  But, he told me all kinds of things.  Too many things, and too many kinds of things:

I'm OCD and ADD, and I took a 700 point evaluation and got diagnosed with depression.  But the medicine helps.  When I take it.

I had a head explosion when I decided I couldn't take my last "girlfriend" (he used air quotes - I swear!) f***ing other men.  She told me she was dating more than just me, and I pretended I was okay with it.  But I'm a really jealous guy.  I can't handle it.  It made me crazy, so I read her email and found all these messages where she was telling them what a great f*** they were.  And I had a head a explosion.

Ugh.  You know, these are probably good things to tell someone you're dating.  But not on the first date.

Too much information.

Would you believe that the next day I had an email from him asking if I'd like to go out again?  AND - maybe I'd like to go camping with him?  Really?!?

Ad #3

Here it is, the third ad. I posted this a little more than a week ago, and already I've had a couple of first meetings and am still in email conversations with a few other men. Now that the ad has expired, I can share it with you:

Today was a good day...
...so I figure I'll push my luck and post here tonight. I've done this a few times before, and I'll be honest - my hopes were never very high, but the last time I posted I met someone special. We spent several good months together before amicably deciding to go our separate ways. Maybe it's crazy of me to think I might be so lucky in love on CL twice, but I'm also open to being less skeptical about the possibility.

I'll share the basics now, and if they whet your appetite, please respond - after that, we'll see where it goes. Sound good?

I am...
...naturally a homebody but trying hard to get out a bit more -- to explore my hometown, to find new hobbies, to learn new people, to taste the wares of new restaurants. I'm not afraid or disinclined to do so myself, but it's a whole lot more fun with someone else. I'd be thrilled to find someone who wants to join me.
...educated, opinionated, and rarely afraid to share my thoughts. Some have told me this can be intimidating. My dad once told me I should "act dumb if [I] ever want to get married." Well, maybe someday I'd like to find a life partner, but I sure don't want someone who'd need me to act any particular way to attract him. If you're a good fit for me, you're bright and want a woman who is the same. (Oh, and, you spell correctly and use proper grammar when you respond to my message. I know it's picky, but it's always been a pet peeve of mine, and first impressions count for something in my world.)
...not a skinny-minny and probably never will be. I work out pretty regularly, but try as I might to change, I remain full-figured. I'm okay with that; you will be, too. In fact, you might even prefer it that way.

Like what you read so far? Send me a message telling me something about you and ask a question or two. Let's chat.

I wish they didn't need to ask

With this third ad, a couple of the guys have responded by asking me if I have a problem with them not being white. (Shut up! I don't want to hear what all of you who know me and my dating history are thinking. It's not relevant to my point.) It makes me sad that they need to ask. It makes me sad that they feel they need to ask. It makes me wonder what has happened to them in the past. I asked one. He said that until he started asking the question, there was only one time when the woman he was emailing/chatting with (and, by the way, seeming to get along with) didn't stop all communication right after they exchanged photos. He told me that at first he just thought they weren't attracted to him. Then he started to think that maybe it was because he's not white. So he started telling the women that he's Indian and asking if they mind. He says that only two women out of about 25 have told him they don't care. Two women? Really? And one of them is just trying to write a blog. I hate that he has to ask. I hate that he feels he needs to. I hate that it matters to people. And I hate that I'm still surprised by it.

I also desperately wish that women would be honest with themselves and in their ads if it does matter to them.

"Love" at first reply

So, I've promised over and over that there does, in fact, exit a happy tale in this whole CL dating scene. My cousin is married to a man she met through CL personals. But of course, you know what I really mean - there even exists a moderately happy tale in my life.

You've all read the fortune cookie ad. I hated that ad; you probably hated that ad; and I can tell you someone else who hated it.

I'd sent that ad into the ether and started hearing back from man after man who could care less who I was or what I wanted. I kind of think they barely cared who they were or what they wanted. I diligently responded to each and every ad. (Which, by the way, is a LOT harder when you haven't said anything about yourself in the first ad - it's just a whole lot more work.) Then I got a response from someone we'll be calling Joe. And those of you who know "Joe" are just going to have to get used to the pseudonym; if it matters to you, he sort of chose, and therefore sort of approves of, the name. Joe got right to the point:

Subject: Fate, Kismet, Destiny

Do you believe a cookie can really tell your fortune :) ? Do you believe in things like fate or destiny? I guess, that would beg the question, Do you believe in God?

Oh, and if you have a choice about someplace cold to visit...I'd go to Ireland :)

Now, I read these few sentences again all these months later, and I'm not sure that I can adequately explain myself. The truth is, I was totally hooked. I loved that he was willing to call me on my shit. Of course I responded; the rules guaranteed that I would. But I anxiously awaited his subsequent response, and I was eager to learn more.

It was only a few emails in before Joe suggested we try either chatting online or meeting up for Thai food (which had somehow become a primary subject of our conversation). The chatting came first but didn't last long. He was trying to tell me about something going on at work, and the chat format was proving difficult. So I gave him my phone number, he called, and we talked for nearly an hour before I had to head out for a previously planned event. But I was giddy throughout, and I really just wanted to get back to the conversation. I logged on to chat with him as soon as I got home, and we "talked" far into the night. It had been years since I'd stayed up that late.

I was so intrigued that I told him right then and there that my ad had, in some ways, been disingenuous. I told him about the blog. And he had no qualms with it. I was more intrigued.

The next day we met up for Thai food, and I was so nervous I could barely stand it. I hadn't been that nervous to meet someone for a very long time - maybe even never. I was so sure throughout lunch that he wasn't interested. We joke about it now: I swear he never looked me in the eye; he's certain that's not true. Regardless, I left the restaurant knowing that I was more intrigued than before and absolutely convinced that he was done.

He wasn't.

By the time I was back at a computer, he had sent me a message saying that he'd enjoyed lunch. I responded that I wasn't sure he was still interested. He replied that he was more interested after lunch than he was before.

Whew! But I wasn't totally convinced.

I had a family function that night, but when I checked my phone at the end of it, he'd left a text message asking if I might like to go for a walk.

Whew! I was totally convinced.

And, well, we spent the next 7 months together. He still claims to have hated my ad. He says he responded because he wanted to give me some advice about how to write an ad, how to "sell" myself. He says he was feeling a little sorry for me and was pretty sure that he could help. I tell him that it seems to have worked pretty well. He says that's not true -- I didn't get what I wanted; I may have gotten him, but since I was looking for fodder for this blog, the ad failed.

Reader Participation:
What do you think, dear readers? Did the ad work? Or does the fact that Joe and I had a healthy relationship and good fun for 7 months prove that it didn't?