With this third ad, a couple of the guys have responded by asking me if I have a problem with them not being white. (Shut up! I don't want to hear what all of you who know me and my dating history are thinking. It's not relevant to my point.) It makes me sad that they need to ask. It makes me sad that they feel they need to ask. It makes me wonder what has happened to them in the past. I asked one. He said that until he started asking the question, there was only one time when the woman he was emailing/chatting with (and, by the way, seeming to get along with) didn't stop all communication right after they exchanged photos. He told me that at first he just thought they weren't attracted to him. Then he started to think that maybe it was because he's not white. So he started telling the women that he's Indian and asking if they mind. He says that only two women out of about 25 have told him they don't care. Two women? Really? And one of them is just trying to write a blog. I hate that he has to ask. I hate that he feels he needs to. I hate that it matters to people. And I hate that I'm still surprised by it.
I also desperately wish that women would be honest with themselves and in their ads if it does matter to them.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
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People can certainly be weird about race. Probably 10 years back or so I met a guy in a club and we started talking. He was black. He asked what my ethnicity was and I explained I am a mix, but mostly look like my Cuban mom. He said we should go out and we did. When we met up a few days later he said, "I didn't know you were so light. You looked darker in the club." Sorry buddy, in summer I'm a bit darker, but it must've been the club lighting--or lack thereof that made you think I was darker. During the date it came out that his mom and friends would not be accepting of him dating such a light-skinned girl. I told him I wasn't really interested in dating someone who's friends and family would be again against me from the get go yet he kept calling and calling. What a douche. (He was a douche for many reasons, btw. I think this fly paper for freaks thing may be genetic!) Verity
ReplyDeleteNo, I get the 'is it ok that I'm not white' thing ALL the time. Mainly from Indians, closely followed by um..black. As I told one guy, I'd prefer to talk to a black gentleman than a white a-hole ANY DAY.
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